Posted in Life in general

Who are any of us any way?

In grand scheme of life, who are any of us? We can only be the people that God intended us to be.  Even if that person is constantly trying to do right only to feel that that right is in vain.  People could stoop to the level of others or they can just walk away and sometimes, it is best to walk way. Because no matter what you have done right doesn’t compare to what is expected of you or what others perceive you as doing wrong.

I have always tried to compensate for not feeling adequate.  I have always tried to help others to the point of self-sacrifice only to my own detriment. I only can give what I can and then, when I have nothing left to give, I don’t know what people expect from me. I have risen to the challenge when others needed help and when no one else stepped up but somehow, those same people haven’t been there for me.  I have been wronged just like the next person. Unfortunately, how we view things or perceive them is our own downfall.  To be human is to expect so much more of others but it costs us.

I have gone through every possible scenario and in end, I realize that I don’t have to keep self-sacrificing if the result is always the same. No one else in my life has given as much as I have. They know this and I know this. I can only move forward and rely on God for the direction he takes me.

Who is anyone to judge someone else when they have not walked a mile in their shoes? I tried to understand another’s perspective and somehow, I fell short. In the end, all I can do is head in the direction that the Almighty intended me to.

I have learned that relationships are a two way street and that just because I am willing to forgive doesn’t mean others are as willing.  Just because I am trying not to burn bridges doesn’t mean anyone cares. I try so hard to just mind my business but ultimately, people every one of us has a choice.  We can accept people as they are or we can judge them harshly without realizing there is an even bigger judge out there.

On several occasions in my life, I have helped others and I have never asked for anything in return.  But at some point, I feel like I am deserving of the same support and good will.  I am not saying that I don’t make mistakes.  Who doesn’t? But I feel like every time I have made a mistake, I have been alienated for it but I don’t do the same. I quickly move forward from what has happened. And even I am honest and pure hearted, the same people don’t recognize that.  And what I have come to realize is that if you are different from others, standing by them when they desperately need support, is the only time they will recognize your worth.  The rest of the time you are not good enough.

There was a lady I worked with years ago.  Her name is Cheri, wonderful, sweet and kind lady who was terribly hurt by her family.  I didn’t understand why she allowed herself to be distant from them.  But what I understand now is that when the people who are closest to you continually let you down, you just give up expecting a different result.  I don’t expect a different result any more.  I expect more of the same.

I don’t expect anyone to be there for me, simply because I’d be there for them or because out of some kind of obligation.  I don’t any more. I just find peace knowing that no matter what I do acceptance will never happen and I am tired of trying.  Actually, I am okay with it.  The only person I can change is me. And if that doesn’t work for others, there is not a lot I can do.  I can only lean on the ones who accept me as I truly am, who don’t want to change me, or who don’t think they are better than me.   I just don’t care anymore and that is who I am, who I have become, and who I will continue to be. I can’t apologize for that and I can’t apologize for things I didn’t do in the name of acceptance.

Who are any of us any way? Let us not judge others when we have not walked in their shoes.  And as for me, in the words of Shakespeare:  “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”