Posted in Life in general, Life is too short, Motherhood

I know what is next – at least what I want next to be

WhatsNext_logoI have been away from this blog – not too long but long enough. I have been busy working on several projects including my full-time legal job, my freelance articles, and my book and just life in general. And life is going well and I have been handling and managing life pretty well. At my last appointment with my therapist, we again talked about what was next in my life and I decided that were four things in my life that were important right now and that I was putting my attention to.

My Book

The first of the four items on my “what’s next” list is finishing my book and it is something I am excited about. My plan was to have a draft by the end of September but it did not happen and it has not happened yet. There are a lot of fillers that still need to go into it and I am not rushing it. I did finally decide on a working title. I am thinking of calling it “The Devil You Know.” Of course, I have left you now intrigued about my book and what it is about so I will give you some idea.

A womanizer is killed and after his murder, things start to come out about his past. Things start to come out about his killer too, but we don’t find out who the killer is until the very end.  The difference between the womanizer and the killer is that the womanizer is who he is.  There are two sides to him, the hardworking and generous side and the womanizing side and he has never hidden that. The killer, on the other hand, is someone he knows very well, and no one knows what person’s agenda was or is. No one knows this person’s background, this person’s intentions or actions. And while many suspect this person, they cannot place this person as the killer.  There is more to the story but that it is the main focus and my theme throughout the book is “Trust the devil you know, not the one you don’t know.”

I am really excited about it but it is still a project in the making. I have set up a new deadline for the end of the year for finding a publisher but I understand my timeline is subject to change. I am perfectionist. If I am going to write a book, it is going to be a great book. Plus, I am starting to think about my next book, a humorous book about single parenting.

A House

Item two is purchasing a home. This is one I have been thinking about lately. I am a homebody and I like stability in my life and in order to feel secure about my residence, I want it to be mine. Granted, I am a single mom and buying a home might be difficult but it is on my to-do list of things that I need to do to create stability in my life and my children’s lives.  I am hoping to have this goal completed before the next school year starts but I am open-minded, flexible and above-all realistic.  It is a goal that I hope to achieve sooner than later but I also like to plan and I know that everything happens in due time.

My Writing Career versus My Legal Career

My writing career and my legal career are aspects of my life that I think about often. I am a good writer and a good legal assistant.

Currently, I am vying for a promotion and I am hopeful that I will get it.  I also have thought up scenarios in my head about the possibility of them not picking me. I know that I will be upset because I am the most qualified candidate but I have also told myself that if it isn’t me, there will be a next time. I could be angry but the worst thing that could come out of this scenario is that I would be right back where I started.  While I would like more, it is still better than the alternative.

As far as my writing career, I write freelance articles for Alliance Health and I will write freelance articles for others who ask. I also maintain this blog, a chronic illness blog, a review blog, and a single mom blog. I am a busy lady and I jump at every opportunity to write.  Don’t worry; I am not as swamped as you think I am. I love writing and it is therapeutic.  When I am not writing, I am reading. It is just who I am and I am constantly trying to improve myself.

As you can see, I am a very hard working and I have a very good work ethic – oh wait, this isn’t an interview but I am so ready for the interview. But you get the point. I am happy with where I stand on my legal career and my writing career. I have come a long ways and I have grown both professionally and academically.

Where I Stand on Love

Relationships have been a struggle for me and I have had my share of failed ones.  I just know that I am better for the choices I have had to make. I tried to stay in my marriage and I tried my damned hardest but at the end of the day, my hardest just wasn’t enough. I have developed a new attitude about my experiences. I have changed and I am not the person I used to be. I have learned from my mistakes and I am better for this. I no longer have regrets and the past is where it should be – long behind me. I have lived, I have loved and I have moved on.

My perspective on who I should be and who I should be with has changed. The hardest lesson I have learned is that I should not be with anyone simply to get approval or to fulfill someone else’s agenda. I am human and I deserve to be with someone who loves me for who I am and doesn’t want to change me. I have been with men and I have had friends who wanted to change me because what I was wasn’t enough for them.

I have learned that I have to be enough for me first and if someone wants to love me, what I have to offer should be enough. I refuse to change for anyone even if that person says they love me. Right now, I am happy with it just being my kids and me. It does not, however, mean that I am not open to finding love. I am just okay with being alone right now and this is an important revelation for me. I am glad that I am content with who I am, who I have become and mostly, how much I have grown as a person, as a mother, and as a professional.  And I need someone to love me for who I am and what I have to offer, not for who they can change me into. I am done changing and I am finally accepting me.

Where I Stand Period

The truth is, and I am no longer embarrassed to say this, it took a lot of therapy to get to a place of contention.  Yes, I know I have flaws and either I change them or I accept them but I am not going to let them consume my life or make me dislike myself. Moreover, I am not going to let anyone make me feel bad about who I am or the choices I have made – not anymore.  Good riddance to those people because they are no longer in my life.


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