Many of you have wondered where I have disappeared off to but the only place I have been for the past month is trying to figure out what’s next in my life. A week ago, at this time, I was embarking a new chapter in my life. It was the end of an era for me and I was ready to move forward. I still am and I am happy with what’s happened. I am free of a burden that I carried for nearly six years. Making that decision six years ago, I did not know and I could not have known how much pain and heartache would come out of it. Painful, it was but I came out stronger than I thought I would.
In my last post, I was trying to determine what was next in my life. I felt like I had already done everything that I was supposed to do. I was/am raising my kids, writing, advocating, and working and I was not sure what more I could do. Three weeks ago, it came to me. I started writing a book – a mystery. I had no expectations or plans. I just started writing – that obviously explains my absence. My “crappy” first draft is near completion and I am getting ready for the editing and re-editing part. If you are interested in being a second pair of eyes and a critic, I would love for you to read it before I start figuring out how I am going to publish it. It will probably be towards the end of September when I will have a close-to-final copy ready.
So, here it is! I am writing a book and I plan on getting it published. I am giving myself a deadline of Thanksgiving and I am going to work hard to meet my deadline. This was what was next for me. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a writer and my articles gave me the courage to embark on that journey. But it was not only that, it was the people who believed in me too, dear friends, family and most importantly, my kids. This is me moving forward and making the choice to working on being truly happy. I closed a chapter that was a big part of my life last week and this week, now, I am ready to embark on an amazing journey.
I don’t know if my book will ever be a best seller. Heck, I don’t know if anyone will read it but it is the next part of my journey I am calling real life. Real is the way James Wesley describes in his country music song.
My life is real and it has taken a lot of time and even depression to get to the place I am not now. And I am okay. One day, I awoke and saw that the dark cloud that was haunting me was lifted. Lifted are both the sadness and the anger that had taken hold of me for so long. I wanted nothing but to be the mother my children deserved and every day, I continue to work on that and be better. Some days are still hard and raising a teen and a kindergartner all on your own isn’t easy but it is life, my life and it is real.
The boys went back to school last week. Well, my eighth grader went back and my four year old started school Friday. He turns five next month and I struggled with whether he was ready to enter school since he just made the cut off. I think it is worse on me than him. I even stay longer at the daycare making sure he has everything he needs. He is in the classroom with the school age kids now. But, I will get through it and so will he.
It is a beautiful day today – 80 degree temps and sun is shining. I feel happy and all it took was removing someone from my life. It wasn’t easy but it had to be done. My RA has been controlled but my left knee has been bothering me. I always knew that RA would cause some joint damage but it has only been five years. I will just take things as they come. I really don’t have a choice. After all, this is real life – my life.