One of the things I have learning now that my emotions aren’t all over the place is that time does heal if we allow it to. Once we do, we become aware of how we were wronged, how we can forgive, and how we have also wronged. I think the realization that I, too, have wronged others is one that I have often pushed aside. I consider myself a good person and I have always been the kind of person that takes others feelings into consideration. I have been like that most of my life. I am not a mean person but there have times where I thought I was doing the right thing and looking back, I realize that I hurt others because I was only thinking of myself.
There was a particular person in my life that I hurt because I wanted to protect. At least, that is what I told myself. Now, looking back, I realize the only person I wanted to protect was myself. I think it is normal to make decisions that we think are best for everyone else only to realize that we were doing what was best for us. I did this more than once but there is one time in particular that stands out for me. It is a time in my life where my options were limited and rather than fighting for what I wanted, I choose to walk away. In hindsight, I escaped the situation rather than dealt with it. I thought I was protecting someone I loved but the only person I was protecting was me.
After a lot of soul searching, I have owned up to my mistake and made decision to reach out and apologize to the person I had hurt. The choice I made back than has haunted me for a long time and I am working to seek closure from that experience. I don’t know how owning up to my mistake / bad decision will affect others but I am doing what I should have done a long time ago. I ready to deal with the aftermath as well.
I used to think that time would eventually heal the deepest wounds. Now I know that wounds don’t heal if we don’t address them. We don’t take the time to tend to our wounds. We try to ignore them and we push them so deep that we convince ourselves that we have healed. I pushed so many wounds aside and told myself that I had healed but I have found that only when I reached within and pulled out my wounds how much I was still hurting. For the first time in a long time, I am healing. It is not easy but I am getting there. I am healing and I am grateful for this new journey. It is has made me a wiser, stronger, and more aware individual who really believes that time can heal even the deepest of wounds.