In my last post, I talked about how the universe wants me to faith and how I often struggle with faith being enough. I recently finished a long distance book study with a friend for the book, Unglued and it opened me up to a lot of insight into the things that often make me unglued. I know that I can be unglued and I also know that there are things that I need to fix about myself.
Recently, I have come to the conclusion that I can only fix me, I cannot fix anyone else and I don’t have any apology for anyone who refuses to see that they, too, have flaws. I know we all have flaws but I have spent a lot time trying to deal with the flaws of others like I could somehow fix them. One day, something snapped in me and told me, I am only responsible for myself and my children. I am not responsible for anyone else’s issues or the way they treat others. I am only responsible for my actions and for bringing my children up right.
I found myself very tired – mentally, emotionally and physically. I thought that the past two years with my brother being sick, passing away, relationship issues, and then my mom’s stroke was the worst of it but I only recently found out that even though I showed strength on the outside, I was hurting and struggling inside.
While I know that sometimes, I have to have faith in God and in the people that I love, I also have to have faith in myself. I thought I did but recently, I found that I didn’t. I was still allowing people to mistreat me and it was tearing me up inside so I snapped and made my feelings known. I did not make my feelings known right away. It was only what I understand what was happening to me and how I was being treated that I responded. I am only human, after all.
So, this is me taking a stand and looking inside myself to fix myself. In the process of doing so, I will no longer allow anyone to manipulate me and treat me in a way that makes me feel less than human. I know that I have a lot to resolve as far as the people I let into my life and how I let them affect me. I am finding now that taking a stand is making me a lot happier. So, yes, the universe wants me to faith in God, in the people that I love and in MYSELF. And you know what? I am okay with that.