Posted in flare-up, stress, Tough Choices

Covers, where are you?


Some days are just days I just want to crawl under the covers and be left alone. I have felt like that lately because things have just been overwhelming. 

Mom has been back home from stroke rehab for a couple weeks now.   I try to go to her place at least a 2 – 3 days a week to help her out because she still has a lot of work ahead of her before she regains most of her function back. The truth is I do not see her going back to being 100% of what she was before.  The funny thing is that she herself said it on Saturday. That was the first time she has actually acknowledged that her progress has been slow and that she may not regain full function in her left leg. It is hard for us but I am sure the realization is harder for her.  A therapist does come to the house three times a week and she does have a nurse check in on her every other day.  She also has a Life Alert device she wears on her wrist but she was complaining this weekend that it was a waste of money. I told her that her life was not a waste of money and that the device was there if she needed help and no one was home to help her.  Parents hate to be a burden on your children but what my mom doesn’t realize is that she gave me 18 years and she has been there for me more times that I have been for her since I have turned 18 but parents think they are obligated while their kids are not.

We had Thanksgiving at Mom’s place. I did most of my cooking at my place and then just brought everything over. I was very good about sticking to my diet because I was worried about a flare up. I ate turkey, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. No potatoes, corn, bread, etc.  But I still managed to wake up with a flare up on Friday morning – one that seems that has overstayed its welcome.  I am at day 11 of the flare up and it does not help that I continue to overdo things.  I know many of you feel the urge to sleep when you are having flare-ups and that is why I did for the first few days but after I slept more than a baby for those first few days, I had the urge to keep moving despite the pain and stiffness. Maybe I am at the end of this flare up but for some reason, I cannot sit still.  Not keeping still means I am in pain but if I sit or lay down for too long, I pay for it.  It is a Catch 22 – you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.  Then I developed a sinus infection and add that to the swollen face and jaw that I had from the flare up, my face, neck, jaw – everything hurts. It is not a pretty sight and no amount of makeup is doing a good job covering up the swelling.  I am like the Stay Puft marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.  So, someone needs to say it, “Who you gonna call?”


The other thing that fell in my lap was my stupid/smart decision to move. I am not moving very far, however, just to a bigger apartment. My rent went up and it made me sense to pay that additional amount to a bigger place and with two boys, the more space you have, the better and you are also better off with two bathrooms.  While it is a smart economic decision, it involves packing and unpacking and actually moving furniture – that is the part I am dreading.  The move is likely towards the end of the month and it makes sense for me to start packing boxes now which I plan on starting this week.  As soon as this flare ends.  Trust me, I will be packing and the boys are really excited. I will have them help with packing their toys and games. The older one can pack up all of his stuff and maybe help me out with more of the packing.  I am excited too about the bigger space but moving is hard work.

I also made a commitment to prepare an article on New Year’s resolutions/reflections for living with RA which is due by the middle of the month. Plenty of time but the timing turned out to be bad.  The article will be ready like it is supposed to be but I am wondering whether I made the right call. The move is at the end of the month so it is not like there really is an issue but with the impeding flare-up/sinus infection/current stress, I am worrying that the writing ideas won’t flow especially because I am still stumped about the direction I want to take the article.  Like everything else in my life, something will give because I don’t ever sit on the sidelines and dwell.  I think dwelling does nothing but make a person miserable. So, I am not dwelling on the stress/the flare/the deadline and the move, I am just moving forward and getting things done. So yes, I want to hide under the covers but I won’t. I am moving forwarding, on sore foot in front of the other.  


6 thoughts on “Covers, where are you?

  1. Oh, dear. You certainly have had your hands full and the next few weeks don’t look like they’ll give you any relief. I don’t envy your move (especially with two small boys!). We have to move out of the house in a couple of weeks to get the repairs on the house done. I count my blessings that the insurance company is paying for movers to pack and move us, but there is still the chore of packing and moving those things we’ll need at the hotel, then unpacking and replacing everything once the repairs are done. Do be kind as you can to yourself. You know about listening to your body. I am sending hugs your way during this busy and stressful time and hopes that your mother recovers as fully as she is able.

    1. Thanks Carla. I will have a lot of help with the moving part so I will do be doing alot of lifting. It is the packing/unpacking and clean up that will have my hands full. I will pace myself and use my time wisely so that I don’t pay for the work later.

  2. You’re so brave, Lana. I so understand the feelings of overwhelm, when work, writing deadlines, family, big jobs like moving and illness–RA, sinus infections, fibro–all conspire to make you want to hide under the covers. But we just bull on through, don’t we.

    Thanks for the kind comment you left at RheumaBlog. My feet are somewhat better; the soreness is more intermittent than constant, and for that I’m grateful. You’re so right about anticipating the worst, though. I’ve really got to stop that.

    I hope the move goes smoothly and that you’ll love your new home, once you’re all settled in.

  3. I today am hiding under my covers, wimping out I know, but sometimes I have to. Stay strong with your mom, it may seem now that she won’t get any better but she will improve now she is home. My grandad had a stroke last year and we were scared he would never be able to look after himself, but now, despite not having full use of his right leg and right arm, he puts me to shame with the things he manages to do. He has had a couple of falls, but he bounces back from them very quickly. I think sometimes we under-estimate the power in other people to carry on which we shouldn’t really considering how much we can do despite all our problems. Fingers crossed you mom improves and feels better in herself very soon.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s