Some days are just days I just want to crawl under the covers and be left alone. I have felt like that lately because things have just been overwhelming.
Mom has been back home from stroke rehab for a couple weeks now. I try to go to her place at least a 2 – 3 days a week to help her out because she still has a lot of work ahead of her before she regains most of her function back. The truth is I do not see her going back to being 100% of what she was before. The funny thing is that she herself said it on Saturday. That was the first time she has actually acknowledged that her progress has been slow and that she may not regain full function in her left leg. It is hard for us but I am sure the realization is harder for her. A therapist does come to the house three times a week and she does have a nurse check in on her every other day. She also has a Life Alert device she wears on her wrist but she was complaining this weekend that it was a waste of money. I told her that her life was not a waste of money and that the device was there if she needed help and no one was home to help her. Parents hate to be a burden on your children but what my mom doesn’t realize is that she gave me 18 years and she has been there for me more times that I have been for her since I have turned 18 but parents think they are obligated while their kids are not.
We had Thanksgiving at Mom’s place. I did most of my cooking at my place and then just brought everything over. I was very good about sticking to my diet because I was worried about a flare up. I ate turkey, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. No potatoes, corn, bread, etc. But I still managed to wake up with a flare up on Friday morning – one that seems that has overstayed its welcome. I am at day 11 of the flare up and it does not help that I continue to overdo things. I know many of you feel the urge to sleep when you are having flare-ups and that is why I did for the first few days but after I slept more than a baby for those first few days, I had the urge to keep moving despite the pain and stiffness. Maybe I am at the end of this flare up but for some reason, I cannot sit still. Not keeping still means I am in pain but if I sit or lay down for too long, I pay for it. It is a Catch 22 – you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Then I developed a sinus infection and add that to the swollen face and jaw that I had from the flare up, my face, neck, jaw – everything hurts. It is not a pretty sight and no amount of makeup is doing a good job covering up the swelling. I am like the Stay Puft marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. So, someone needs to say it, “Who you gonna call?”
The other thing that fell in my lap was my stupid/smart decision to move. I am not moving very far, however, just to a bigger apartment. My rent went up and it made me sense to pay that additional amount to a bigger place and with two boys, the more space you have, the better and you are also better off with two bathrooms. While it is a smart economic decision, it involves packing and unpacking and actually moving furniture – that is the part I am dreading. The move is likely towards the end of the month and it makes sense for me to start packing boxes now which I plan on starting this week. As soon as this flare ends. Trust me, I will be packing and the boys are really excited. I will have them help with packing their toys and games. The older one can pack up all of his stuff and maybe help me out with more of the packing. I am excited too about the bigger space but moving is hard work.
I also made a commitment to prepare an article on New Year’s resolutions/reflections for living with RA which is due by the middle of the month. Plenty of time but the timing turned out to be bad. The article will be ready like it is supposed to be but I am wondering whether I made the right call. The move is at the end of the month so it is not like there really is an issue but with the impeding flare-up/sinus infection/current stress, I am worrying that the writing ideas won’t flow especially because I am still stumped about the direction I want to take the article. Like everything else in my life, something will give because I don’t ever sit on the sidelines and dwell. I think dwelling does nothing but make a person miserable. So, I am not dwelling on the stress/the flare/the deadline and the move, I am just moving forward and getting things done. So yes, I want to hide under the covers but I won’t. I am moving forwarding, on sore foot in front of the other.