We have all heard the saying “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” It was the German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche who famously said, “That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” The fact is that pain and suffering are just another part of human experience just as laughter and joy are.
For me lately, my motto is “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” There is no question I have endured more than most people have. As a matter of fact, I was saying to someone this morning, “I just don’t get a break.” Maybe that is God’s way of telling me I am stronger than most people because I am certain that the Almighty would not give me more than I could handle. However, I wish I could get a break.
This morning as I drove into work, I thought about my brother and how his illness and death affected my mother, my siblings, my children and me and of course, the tears came. I asked God to let me sit this one out – not for me, for my children and my mother. I have to go into today for a medical procedure to determine whether or not, I will have a long road ahead of me medically. Further, whatever the outcome, I will still not surgery to resolve the pain and other symptoms of I am having. The surgery is minor but the right of the results of the medical procedure would mean a long and tough road ahead for me and my kids, of course.
Am I wrong to ask of God to allow me to sit this one out? Haven’t my kids been through enough in the past few years? It seems like my three year old came into this world not knowing a life that wasn’t turned upside. First it was my health, then all the financial issues, then my brother’s illness and death, and then, a divided family. My older son, he has watched me struggle with so much in the past few years and I wish that he didn’t have to see that side of me. As parent, isn’t it my job to protect my kids from these types of hardship? I feel like my parents were better at hiding these things than I am.
I won’t have any results until after the Memorial Day and possibility towards the end of the month. It is going to long week waiting for those results. I haven’t said anything to my mom because I don’t want to scare here especially if this turns out to be nothing to worry about. My mom doesn’t need this right now. She is finally learning to live her life after the big blow she was dealt. I have not seen her this happy in a long time and I am glad that she finally is.
I know that regardless of the outcome, I am strong enough to take the challenge should that be necessary. However, I am praying patiently that I get to sit this one out. I know that whatever doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger. I have provided that time and time again. But still, wish me luck.
Enjoy your Memorial Day Weekend. I am going to be out of town. I will post pictures soon.