A chapter in my life closed yesterday. It was the chapter that involved financial discord and it finally came to an end. I thought I would either laugh or cry when I found out but I am too numb to feel anything. That issue dominated nearly three years of my life. Three years while I was starting to deal with a life with chronic illness, then my brother getting sick and passing away, and so much more. That issue was a dominating factor in my life so long that I never expected it to end. Maybe the effects will be felt tomorrow when I smile at my accomplishment or when I cry because I am happy or maybe I will never respond.
I think that the reason for the lack of joy is that I know that when I overcome one hurdle, another one comes to replace it. Isn’t it funny how life works out? I always tell people that God really gets me with these hurdles because with every single one, he makes me better, wiser and older. I think I know what the next chapter is but I am not sure about that. The next thing I need to do is something I am initiating but like with anything else, I don’t know what the outcome or the journey will be. At the same token, the trial will be in how the journey evolves so I suppose that even though I initiate it, it will still be God’s work what happens and how I overcome.
I have been through more in the last twelve years than most people have been through their entire lives. All this time as I struggled with my relationship with the Almighty, he was by my side as I overcame some of the biggest challenges of my life. In the beginning, it didn’t seem like God was on my side. I doubted his presence because no matter how much I prayed, I felt like things were getting better. Looking back now and with my faith stronger than ever – I know that if not for God I would not have gotten through all those tough times. All those times I thought God wasn’t listening, he was there making me stronger than I ever imagined. God’s faith in me has always been big and now my faith in the Almighty is big. I know that with God by my side, I can overcome so much and through those experiences, my faith is strengthened and so is my will.
What is next in store? I don’t know. I just know that life has taught me to be patient no matter what I am handled. For example, I had a doctor’s appointment last week and I found out that there may be something big that I may have to worry about. I am getting some more tests next week and in all honesty, I am scared. My kids and I have been through so much in the past few years and we can use a moment where our lives are not spinning in circles. I finally recovered from my injuries from last year’s car accident and my RA is tolerable. This financial mess has been neutralized and I have learned to deal with the grief of losing my brother. I asked “why now” more times than I needed to. In the end, I realized that I would just take things as they come and I would pray for the best. God is listening and he will help me to get through whatever challenge lies ahead. For now, I will just take the current peace in my life has a sign of good things to come.