Have you ever noticed that when you get rid of one ailment you trade in for another? Last year, just when my rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia symptoms had finally calmed down and reached the point of tolerable and manageable, I was injured in a rear end auto collision. Now that my neck and back pain have become reasonable enough for me to handle, I am struggling with the headaches as a residual of the neck pain. In addition to the headaches, my neck is stiff all the time. I am on day 4 of the latest stiff neck headache.
At my last epidural steroid injection, the pain management doctor told me that the next step was to talk to a neurosurgeon. I have an appointment towards the end of the month. I don’t plan on having surgery if anyone is wondering. If anything, it is just for record keeping purposes. My therapy is getting ready to end – probably towards the end of the month as well. I am doing better aside from the headaches and neck stiffness. All I want is my life back.
There are some developments in the lawsuit that we filed for my late brother’s asbestos cancer case but I cannot share them at this time. Apparently, these cases take longer when a person has already passed away. I just want his medical bills paid – I don’t think I am asking too much. As far as my own situation – that financial one – that is getting close to its end. It will be concluding towards the end of April or the beginning of May. Just a few final things to be resolved and we can move forward with our lives.
I learned a long time ago that life as all about the headaches. What I would give to be able to leave city life and find a quiet place to hide. Here is the problem with hiding, you get tired of it. You have to work and you have bills to pay and the cycle is always the same. Most people are not retiring until age 70 these days. It might be age 80 by the time I am 70. What I would do to have a peaceful life. I don’t even know how to achieve that – neither physically nor emotionally.
Every aspect of lives involves headaches. My job review came up last week. While I did well with my performance, the time I have taken off to deal with my injuries from the auto accident and taking care of my children when they were sick or had appointments did not go unnoticed. I was actually told that hopefully I could resolve those issues this year. Really? Okay, so the auto accident injuries will be resolved but what about my children and their needs? What is the resolution there? Employers say that they understand your work-home life balance but they really truly do not. The fact is that my children come first even though my employers think it should be the other way around. I am also pretty happy at my job but I didn’t realize that my family commitments were an issue. I understand that the issue was walked around and not direct but the hint was well taken. Oh well – that is just another of life’s headaches! There is also nothing I can do to change it. My kids come first – they have to live with it and I don’t regret ever saying that.
I am at the point in my life where, while I am tired, I am content. God blessed me with wonderful healthy children and are also well-behaved and polite – what more could a mother ask for? I am employed and my kids have a roof of their heads. My 12 year old made a comment the other day that made me think. He said, “You will be rich when my brother and I grow up because raising kids cost a lot of money.” I laughed and said, “I don’t want to be rich. I just want to be your and your brother’s mother.” I haven’t really thought about them being adults because I am not ready to and I know that it will come sooner than I think but right now, I am so blessed just to be their mother. Long before, I thought about a career or even being an adult myself, I wanted to be a mother and that is my great achievement yet. I am not sure that I will ever top that either. To them, the greatest thing I do is make the best macaroni and cheese or give them a hug at precisely the right moment. The reward I get is knowing that they are happy children.
Yes, life is full of headaches. No one is immune from this. The trick is knowing the balance between the headaches and happy moments. Sometimes, we are too busy dwelling on the headaches to notice how wonderful and beautiful life is. I have recently given myself permission to not take life so seriously. Yes, life is challenging but whose life isn’t? I have that by making good choices, things will fall into place. I have also learned what a gift life is and we always have a choice to be happy and to truly find happiness. And I am making that choice.