Posted in Advocate, Health Activist Challenge, NHBPM

#NHBPM Day 30 Play that horn


 

Today’s Prompt (and the final prompt for November): Play that horn. Want to hear a secret? You’re awesome. (It’s actually not even really a secret.) This is going to be hard for you, O Modest One, but you gotta give yourself props today. Write three things you love about yourself – things you’re great at – or just want to share. Don’t you dare signpost or undercut those self-compliments!

 I have never been really good at complimenting myself or tooting my own here so this one will be a challenge. But here goes:

I am smart.

Despite my fear of failure and being my biggest critic, I know that I am smart.  I have an amazing ability to learn, reason, and understand.  Here’s the thing, I am not just intelligent in an educational sense. I also have a great mental ability to see facts, meanings, relationships and truths that others don’t see. That was something I realized about myself even as a child. It is also one of the main reasons I am strong.  My strength comes from the ability to be able to see things that others don’t see and to find resources and information in a way that others can’t.  If I wasn’t intelligent, I am not sure that I would be strong.  I often joke and say that both these things are a gift and a curse.

I am strong.

Sometimes, I even amaze myself with how strong I am.  So many people don’t understand why I am this way but I have enough people in my life that respect me for this. I emailed a dear friend of mine yesterday who is currently dealing with some tough stuff because her adult son has gotten himself in trouble yet again. My words to her were this:

For as long as we have known each other, we have shared all of the stuff that we can’t share with anyone else.  We have helped each other get through some really tough stuff and we have gotten through it all.  I realized that the reason we are tough is because we are tough together.  We are not like those women that cry during tough times or that fall apart or do crazy stuff to ease the hurt.  We are the kind of women that continue to stand strong during the worst storms and while sometimes, while I wish I was able to fall apart like everyone else, I am glad that I am not alone in my strength.  I am here for you and I will help you to stay strong – like you have always done for me.  

After I typed those words, I realized that my strength and hers were unique. While weakness is not a bad thing, for me it is not something that is even possible.  For a long time, I thought that there was something wrong with me because I was strong especially in situations where I should I have fallen apart, but I have since realized this was how I deal with bad situations.  I dive myself right into to the problem to find a resolution because this is how I cope and we all have our own ways of coping.  Being strong is how I cope.  

I am a good mother.

For a long time, I doubted my ability to be a good parent because I was a working mom.  Then, RA and fibromyalgia came into my life and I realized how my strength and my intelligence played a big role in my parenting. I learned the hard way how to prioritize and what was most important in my life. I thought in the beginning that I could still do everything I did before RA and fibro and while it took some time, I learned to accommodate my health into my life while still putting my children first.  Of all the things I know I am good at, I am great at being a mom. In my case, it involves a lot of juggling but my kids are my priority above everything else.

My kids are reminder that everything is possible. I remember a year after my diagnosis my eldest son told me that he wanted to be important just like me.  When I asked what he meant, he told me that I help so many people and he admired me for that. That conversation is one I take with me every day since. Even when I feel physically and emotionally drained by my health; I know that my children need me to set an example for them. I want them to see that success is possible despite obstacles.  My example is evident in my children because I see how independent, strong and empathic they are since chronic illness being a part of our lives.  I know that they get this by watching me and all it takes is a smile, a giggle or that bright look on their faces at the end of the day that means that they are so glad to see me to remind me how blessed I am and what a good parent I am.

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

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2 thoughts on “#NHBPM Day 30 Play that horn

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