I missed yesterday’s prompt because after sitting down on multiple occasions to describe something peaceful, I realized it wasn’t happening. Without going into any detail, I am dealing with some personal stuff right now and I am having a hard time finding peace. I wish I could find peace but it is not happening and right now, I am not really sure what peace feels like. I just want peace of mind and it is not possible right now.
My family was at a different place this time last year. Thanksgiving last year was the beginning of a very difficult journey for my family and I hate this is our memory of Thanksgiving from this point forward. My sisters and I are planning on making this a wonderful time for Mom considering where she was last year while we were trying to enjoy our Thanksgiving meal. Despite everything we have lost, I am still very thankful for what we have. I am thankful that I have seen my mother happy for the first time a long time. The first I saw her laugh in over a year was a few weeks ago. However, I still see sadness inside of her that I wish I could somehow take away from her.
She came back from her Hajj (religious pilgrimage) about a week ago. This was her second Hajj and she did it in honor of my late father and my late brother. She is definitely happier than she has been a long time and I am so very thankful for that. I am thankful for so much and I think that sometimes I have to remind myself to be thankful because the chaos in my life seems to triumph over everything else.
Sometimes, I feel like moving forward is a betrayal but I remind myself that my brother would want us to move forward. I think about him every day and I hate that he is gone. I guess that I never will really accept the fact he is gone but that is probably a good thing. I want to remember that he was here and tomorrow we will visit his grave and let him know that he is not forgotten, missed, and still so very loved. The fact is no matter how long it has been, I still feel sadness inside me that I cannot get rid of. I still feel pain, numbness, and emptiness like it was yesterday that we lost him.
Anyway, Thanksgiving is at my mom’s tomorrow and my siblings and I are planning on making it special for her. I have also been busy with a new RA website launched by Alliance Health called Rheumatoid Connect. I am glad that they asked me to advocate for that site in addition to the two others I already advocate for. I love advocating and I hope in the future I will be able to combine advocacy with my legal career. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving filled with many blessings, much happiness and good health.