Posted in Motherhood, Tough Choices

Yesterday’s Events and a Current Situation


I went in early yesterday morning for the first of a series of three epidural steroid injections.   I was sedated for the procedure so yesterday is pretty much of a blur.  I spent most of the remainder of the day sleepy and not accomplishing much.  Since I had the day off from work, I figured that I might as well enjoy it.  I enjoyed it recuperating from the procedure and well, from life. By the time three o’clock rolled around, my energy was back even though I was still a bit sleepy.  Needless to say, I am up 12 hours later and not feeling sleepy.  I don’t remember much about the procedure except going into the procedure room and then being awoken to head back to the recovery area.  I am not sure that I can do two more of these because they are time consuming and exhausting.  But if I want relief from the injuries from the auto accident, I have to do this. 

So far, I have a dull ache in my back that travels into the back of my leg.  It is like I am dragging something on my lower back area.  Twenty-four hours ago, that same area was much more painful.  The pain is no longer sharp and shooting but needless to say, I am still not comfortable.  I got used to being in much more pain and dealing with a different kind of pain that I feel like I am out of my comfort zone. It takes up to five days to get pain relief and some people start to feel that right away.  There is still one or two more procedures.  I am dreading the one in my neck but I am ready to be rid of the pain in the neck, the headaches and the facial spasms.   Not only were the spasms painful, they were embarrassing because they happened at the worst times.  I always felt like a ticking time bomb.

Anyway, I am also looking for a new place to live and the move would take place at the beginning of the year.  I am not really happy where I am at currently and this is something I have thought about long and hard because I don’t want to put my kids through another move. Plus, we have all been through a lot this past year.  However, the problem is one out of my control.  There is this property manager at my new place that blames my children for everything even though we are never home.  We are home two hours in the evening before they go to bed and a few hours on the weekend.  They are never outside or even out in the entering hallway. However, everyday she tells me they made this mess or did this.  The majority of the time she is blaming them for incidents that happen when we are not even home. I have an 11 year old and a 3 year old.  A 3 year old cannot get into that kind of the trouble and as for my 11 year old, he is always with me and as you know, kids don’t cause trouble unless there is another kid with them and there are very few children living here – none of which are even close to his age.  Plus, I know my kids and I know what they are capable of and what they are not capable of.   Here is an example of the incidences, I was out all day Saturday and I did not get home until dark and she insisted that my kids were outside eating candy and throwing the wrappers outside the front door.  My kids are not the kind of kids who intentionally cause trouble plus they are constantly stuck to my side. They go where I go so if they made messes that would mean that I was with them. 

I had already complained to my landlord on several occasions about her and he merely gives her a warning and then it starts all over again.  I hate to say it but it is a clear case of housing discrimination and the only reason I have kept my mouth shut is because the landlord has done nothing to warrant this behavior.  Also, a complaint to the city’s housing division would put him in a bad place especially since this is his representative creating the discrimination.  The point is moot because even if I filed a complaint, she lives in the same section of the building that I do, I would still have to see her every day after filing that.  Hence, there are some things that are not worth the headache.  However, I am giving my landlord notice that I am not renewing the lease.  In that notice, I am going to explain why.  The words discrimination will not be used but I plan on using language that hints that.  The only I will stay will be if he allows me to move to another section of the building that is far away from the manager and if she is warned to leave me alone. I ended up in a screaming match with her on Saturday about her constant invalidated accusations.  The winner was the one who screamed the loudest which wasn’t me because that is not my style.  I also realized that her accusations were intentional.  She had to have known we weren’t home all day because I was not parked out into the parking lot but she wanted to pick a fight.  I stopped her by walking away.  What else should I have done? The other option was to stay there and take it and I was not about to give her that satisfaction.  

Here is the other thing.  I am not the kind of person who causes problems so what made her center her attention towards us, I really don’t know.  Well expect that nice guys finish last – that has to be it.  Blame it on the nice guy but here is the other side of the spectrum.  I don’t fight with words, I fight with the law and I think while she was constantly taking this approach, she forgot for a second that I worked in the legal field which means that I can spot discrimination quicker than she could spot the truth.  She made a choice from day one to blame everything she could think of on my kids and I (including messes that involved smoking even though I am not a smoker, my kids are too young to smoke, and I have never had visitors who smoke) without a thought that maybe I was smart enough to figure it out. 

The question is why and that I am not sure of because despite her accusations from day one, I have kept my conversations with her very short and simple.  The only time I responded was when the landlord called me about a muddy stain on the carpet in front of my door which that did not exist.  However, someone had trailed mud into a neighboring unit.  I took pictures and sent them to him at which time I brought up all the instances where the property manager accused my kids of things they could not have possibly done.  She left me alone for a month after that.  Last Saturday when she accused my kids even though we were not home, she brought up my issue of going to the landlord and that is why I let her have it.  According to her, my remarks to the landlord were lies and that she has done nothing wrong.  That is when I realized that I had to get out of her way.  I was raised to turn the other cheek and I knew if I didn’t, it wouldn’t be pretty.

Anyway, it is 4 am and after all that sleep yesterday, I am wide awake.  I did take a look at two places yesterday afternoon before I picked up my kids before daycare.  Of course, I am concerned about the financial situation that put my credit in a bad place and I am not sure if I will be able to rent a new place because of it. However, I will do what I can.  If I need to borrow money for additional monies such as first and last month rent, I will do it.  Sometimes, you have to do what is best for your kids and in this case, you get them away from a problem.  Right now, my decision is that if the problem escalates, I will take action because, guess what, she messed with my kids and no one does that.

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7 thoughts on “Yesterday’s Events and a Current Situation

  1. How awful! Thoughts & prayers that you have some relief from the pain. I SO wish they would find a cure. :/

    The deal with the kids and living situation – that’s just horrible! I do hope that you do something in the end so that she doesn’t treat others like this.

  2. Ugh! I agree with you but have a few suggestions I have learned along the way. You are right to be concerned about the credit issue but hopefully your plan of attack will work (first and last months rent available). Next…please….please be sure you document your exit from this current apartment very carefully. Be sure to take pictures with dates available of every single corner and crevice BEFORE you leave and even better yet a video with the date. I suspect this mgr. will try and keep any security deposit for spite. And I hope you noted any prior damage upon entrance into this apartment (when you first rented). Be sure to have a witness (not someone in your family) who will be willing to testify in court about the condition of your apartment at your vacating, if you have to fight to get your security deposit back. And do fight for it if you must. I can’t tell you how many landlords do just what you are experiencing to collect security deposits! And last, if there is anyway you can stay within the school boundaries so you kids can remain at their schools, that would be best. I did this once and got the school boundary lines from the school board and did my search for housing in those boundaries. It wasn’t easy but I did do it so my daughter could remain in her school. If that isn’t possible, hopefully your 11 year old will understand and be able to adjust. Good luck and you are doing what you must as a Mom. That’s what we do best 🙂

  3. I’m glad to read that your first epidural injection went well, Lana. I hope your pain continues to lessen as the med takes effect. I think the other two upcoming injections will help as well–which is worth the effort and the time off work. This is something you really NEED to do to take care of yourself. 🙂

    What a shame the property manager is so intractable and malicious. I do understand your frustration–moving to a new apartment will stop this particular situation. I’m glad you intend to make it clear to your landlord WHY you moved, though, because this sort of harassment is both illegal and reprehensible. Deb’s advice, above, is excellent regarding the situation.

    Love your blog’s new look. Have a good, restful and renewing weekend. 🙂

  4. I wouldn’t want the epidural, but I would take a day of being sedated! I hope you gain some relief from the pain after all of this is done.
    I hate that you and the boys are in this situation, no one needs that added stress. She sounds like a real winner, sounds like a supervisor that I work with. I don’t know why some people choose to be this way. Hang tough Lana, things will get better soon.

    1. Terry, I did not want the epidural but the other choice is being in pain. As for as the property manager (if that is her her title), she complicates people’s lives. Looking for a new place, I am realizing that when people call the landlord to inquire about me as a renter, it affect my ability to rent so it’s a pretty frustrating process. It has been stressful thus far but I will get through this like I always do.

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