Do you ever just laugh when you want to cry? Do ever find yourself wondering when the other shoe will drop? You would think that with how long my life has been chaotic, I would get used it to but I never do. A lot has happened in the past eight months since we lost my brother. For me, it has been an uphill battle trying to make sense of what has happened and how to deal with it.
There are so many casualties of the past recession and my family was among those. Between the economy and my husband’s lack of response to our financial situation, there’s still a mess to be sorted. That situation has finally hit an all-time high – the most it’s ever been and hopefully, the worst it will get. I am about to make some choices that will put an end to all this. The result will for sure be positive and even if it isn’t, I will at least be able to sleep at night.
The way I figure it, when you are all cried out, you have to laugh because there really isn’t anything else left to do. I am at this point all cried out. I have cried for what I have lost in the last couple of years and I cried for my own weaknesses and my own failures. I have learned that I am only human and all of the obstacles are proof of that.
All I know is that peace comes when we least expect it. The hardships I have faced have forced me to look inside myself and figure out that life can be peaceful if I am willing to experience peace. It can come in the form of something simple such as the sway of trees on a windy day; it could be in a smile on a friendly face, or in sound of children laughing. We have to make the effort to look for those moments so our troubles to a back seat. The moments we are looking allow us to see that life can still be good despite all the wrong in the world.
I have been finding bits and pieces of that peace I have been desperately seeking. If you have a busy life like mine, you can understand that peace isn’t always easy to find. We get so preoccupied that we lose track of what it is we are looking for. For me, finding peace means I easily can see compassion and integrity everywhere I look. I see the beauty that humanity offers. I can find it in the smile and laughter of my own children, in doing good deeds, or watching others do good. There is good in the world but it is not always easy to see when the bad seems to impact us more than the good. I have learned that peace comes from simply taking the time to enjoy the simple things in life.
Life can be filled with peaceful moments because life itself is peaceful. These moments can make time stand still and it is our choice to decide if we want to see them, experience them, and embrace them. The beauty of life and the world around us is illustrated in the way we want it to be. The path to peace is always available to us and we have to be willing to open up our hearts to understand the precise message. It has taken me a long time to fully understand this message, and maybe it is a choice or maybe it is a stronger belief in God, but I think I am starting to make sense of all the chaos that is my life.