Lately, I have been having dreams about the past – a past I worked so hard to put behind me. I read that this type of dream indicates repeating past behavior and often times, it relates to behavior that was wrong in the first place. Here is the thing, in my dreams; I am back in that situation. It is something I worked so hard to put behind and I am sure why I am feeling so attached to it all of a sudden. I am not sure how what is happening now has anything to do with what happened then. I don’t get it. I am not the same person I was back then. In my dreams, however, I am stronger than I was back then. I respond in a way that I couldn’t at the time. I respond as the person I am now, not the person I was back then.
The only thing similar about that time and now is that I was grieving. I lost my father in 1995 and from 1995-2000, I was dealing with in an abusive marriage, so I desperately needed my father. Now I am dealing with some other stuff, again marriage issues, and while I am grieving my brother’s loss, I don’t necessarily need him to protect me as I needed my father back then. I just miss him terribly and all these other issues in my life make the grieving process even more difficult.
Now that I look at the situations, they are not really that much different. I think that even though I have matured greatly since the past experience, I am still dealing with the same emotional struggle that I dealt with then. I am not really sure what to make of the situation. All I can do is focus on not making the same bad choices I made back then. I think that our unconscious minds help us to be wiser and this dream, if anything, is guidance to make better choices.
This morning’s horoscope took me by surprise though.
Blocks and obstacles, which you may have reached with regard to the projects you’re involved with, might cause you to wonder if you have what it takes to get it done at all. This is OK but don’t get caught up in doubting your abilities. Step back, be objective and work out the most practical and efficient ways to get past the obstacles and attain the results you want. Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you.
Insecurities? The story of my life.
My master’s degree is done and at this point, I have no plans at this to further my education. The only plans I have is to start paying off my student loans and spend more time with my kids. This past weekend was just a start.
On Friday evening, we headed out towards to Fairport Harbor, Ohio. We spent the night at a nearby Holiday Inn Express which, by the way, was an amazing stay. We spent most of the evening at the hotel pool and I had to drag my kids out at 10 pm because I was tired. I was the only one tired.
The next morning, we had breakfast the hotel, and then spent some more time at the pool. After checkout, we drove up to Lake Farm in Kirtland where my toddler found himself in love with horses. I am surprised he didn’t ask to take one home.
Just a side note, when I put the address for Lake Farm in the TomTom, the GPS could not locate it. I ended up doing a search for Lake Farm which apparently, according to Richard (yes, I named my GPS), is on an “unnamed road.” I got the GPS about a month ago and I have absolutely loved every moment of having this thing. I especially love the part where I don’t get lost and I am always on time. Yes, unfortunately, I get lost a lot and I am always late for everything. In 2003, I was late for my own college graduation. I was putting my high heels as I was heading up to the stage. Okay, so back to my weekend.
My toddler absolutely loved the horses. There was a pony ride which he refused to get on when we first arrived at the farm but once he made friends with all the friendly horses, he became a riding pro.
My eleven year old doesn’t like pictures so this is the only picture I was able to get of him (aside from the one with his back turned).
They both had lots of fun as we visited the barnyard, the dairy polar, the horse arena and so much more. My kids and I had a blast.
After that we headed back to Fairport Harbor where we planned to enjoy their Mardi Gras festival and spent the rest of the day the day at the Fairport Harbor beach. It is one of my favorite beaches – mostly because it’s clean – sorry that is the mom in me. There is a beach that is 20 minutes from our house but it is absolutely filthy – cigarette butts and other garbage in the sand – yeah, I don’t go there. I drive over an hour and a half away for a beach because I would rather have a clean place for my kids to play than worry about saving gas.
We enjoyed the Mardi Gras festival for a couple of hours and then spent a couple hours on the beach. Fairport Harbor also has this really cool Lighthouse Museum and the old lighthouse has 69 steps that lead to the top with a spiraling staircase – only 69 steps. Did I mention the 69 steps in the spiraling staircase leading to the top? Yes, I walked those 69 steps and I had to stop to rest before I made my way back down. Blame it on RA and being out of shape.
Let’s just say that by the time evening rolled around, we were all glad to be heading home. It was a wonderful but very busy and tiring Saturday. Sunday, we spent most the day lounging around but attended a fireworks show at night. We did leave briefly – I dropped my older one off at a friend’s house Sunday afternoon and my toddler and I spent a hour watching airplanes take off at a local airport. We had to watch them from the road behind the airport because no one is allowed to go further than check in at airports anymore. On Monday, I was not leaving the house for anything. So, here we meet again Tuesday – just know – I don’t hate you as much as I hate Monday.