The last week of my life has been interesting to say the least, not that my life isn’t already interesting. It was just more interesting than usual. I started the new job in a legal leasing department of a realty company and there has been a lot to learn but I loved every moment of it because I always love a challenge. It was a tiring a week because my schedule changed, had to learn a whole new one of doing things, and everything that could go wrong went wrong but as usual I pulled through. You know how some swing sets are cheaply built and some, for example, the wood swing sets, are built much stronger? My life is like a swing but I am built like a wood one – pretty strong if you ask me. I am pretty strong and I am pretty well built when it comes to dealing with life’s challenges.
Friday was more than interesting. We got another snow storm that dumped about eight inches overnight. So, I knew that meant that I had to leave earlier than usual to make it to work on time. What I did not anticipate is what would make me really late. The mechanism that gets my wipers moving broke so here I am without a working wiper system on a really snowy day. So I went to a mechanic who told me that they did not have the parts and would have wait until after 8:30 to pick them up. I still had to drop my kids off and get to work and it was my first week at the new job so I could not call off. My sister was nowhere to be found and my best friend was already on the road and without her car because she takes the train so she could not even turn around. So, here I am trying to figure out what to do. I decided to drop my kids off and call Enterprise to pick me up and rent a car. I finally made it to work at ten and did not leave until six. There were other misadventures along towards the end of the day including computer failures at the office, trying to find someone to pick up my kids from daycare, and dropping off the rental and picking up my car. What a day! Welcome to my life! Of course, I pulled through like I always do and on my own.
There is no question that I worry all the time. I worry about money, I worry about my kids and I worry about my mom. I have to be strong to overcome and I am there is no one for me to really lean on. I think most mothers, especially those who are doing it all alone, have to carry on no matter how hard it can be. I always wonder about my choices and whether I make the right ones. There is so much that I have overcome, so many obstacles I have overcome, and many mountains I have climbed. I have had to teach myself to live in the present and not focus so much on the future. I need to do what I need to today and I don’t always know tomorrow holds. Losing my brother taught me that I can hurt and I don’t know what tomorrow holds. Everything I have ever had to overcome, losing him is the hardest thing I have ever done. That loss follows me everywhere I go and it is a part of everything I do. While it leaves me to question things I do and say, it allows me to a better person. His death taught me to question every choice I have ever made and while that can be eye opening, it is also hard knowing that I am not as perfect I have tried to be. If anything, I am just human.
Well Saturday involves resting and catching up on my blog, my advocacy work, my course work and housework. I guess I am not really resting.