I changed the name of my blog because I thought it was time. When I started my blog originally and at Blogger, I had not yet been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia and then one day I was and theme of my blog became about RA and FMS rather than just simply about me. That was over two and half years ago. So much has changed in my life since my diagnoses and while sometimes I wish I could turn back time to my pre-RA and pre-FMS days, I like the person I have evolved into. I am still an overachiever and a go-getter and regardless of how stressful it can be, change is hard. I am strong-willed and realistic and while I wish, I took more time to play and less time focusing on success, again, change is hard. I know all these things are what make me unique and I also know that there is more to me than just RA and FMS. Granted, I have changed since my diagnoses but I do not think I have changed enough.
Recent events in my life have taught me how human I am. I am not super nor am I invincible. I laugh and I cry just like the next person. Being a deep thinker, I often ponder upon things that matter very little to others and sometimes, I find that I can be difficult to deal with at least from the mindset of others. It is hard being a person who thinks analytically and logically and I am different from those who think and decide with their hearts. Taking the stiff upper lip approach or even leaving my feelings out of the decision making process does nothing but make me feel like a zombie.
My mom’s neighbor recently told me about her thirteen-year-old son is intelligent beyond his years. She said that while she loves how smart and mature he is, she wonders if being that smart is lonely. I told her that it was and the best that she could do for him was offer him opportunities to express himself. I remember how lonely being a smart kid was when I was growing up but my parents did give me the freedom to express myself though reading and writing and it helped. Sometimes, I hate that I take things more seriously than others do or that I think so logically that I am almost emotionless and other times, I just accept who I am. However, I do understand that I spent a lot of time focusing on success and dwelling on failure. Because of that, I know that I need to find a happy medium.
I have several resolutions and the first of those is to live life as I see fit. (I will discuss the others in an upcoming post.) In focusing on living life as I see fit, I am going to laugh a little more and cry a little less. I am going to spend less time working and more time having fun because there is more to me the tough cover I carry around. I am human and I need to start acting human. A dear friend of time told me to stop with the stiff upper lip approach and allow myself to fall apart. Even when I am grieving, I am way too tough andI really don’t have to be.
So 2011, here I come- living life as I see fit because I know there is more to me than just rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia.