Posted in Life in general

Flawless – No, just looking for normalcy!


My sister told me last night that my brothers are all intimidated by me.  I thought to myself “WTF?” What is so intimidating about me?  So I asked, and she laughed and told me that I was smart, determined, opinionated, and strive for success at every opportunity while raising two children and living with chronic illness and that is what made me intimidating.  These are things that they are incapable of doing with fewer obstacles so they “think” you’re flawless and that makes them envious.

After that phone call, I got to thinking and I thought about the post from a week ago where I basically showed you a different side of me – a person who doesn’t necessarily have it together but works really hard to make it look that way.  I also grabbed a pen and wrote down some good traits I have and some bad ones.  Here are my two lists.

Good traits

I (am):

Practical/Realistic

Careful/Cautious

Ambitious

Disciplined

Patient

Reserved

Analytical

Capable of seeking answers to problems as they arise

Capable of handling stressful situations

A boundary pusher even when it might cost me

Hardworking

Capable of admitting when I am wrong

Very passionate

Laugh when I want to cry – might be a bad trait as well

Bad traits

I can be:

Pessimistic

A Grudge Holder

Rigid or Harsh – in particular to myself

Overly controlling of people and certain situations

I have a tendency to settle for less if it makes others happy.

Absolutely Stubborn

Opinionated – this is also a good trait

Because of my good and bad traits,

  • I never lose sight of my goals and I am not a risk taker.  However, I have a tendency to seek approval and I always want harmony even when is unrealistic.
  • I am a dreamer and I am also my biggest critic.
  • I have been known to judge people by first impression or by their flaws and I can be critical of mistakes but I also am capable of admitting that I am wrong.
  • I have a tendency to hide my emotions but they show up when I least expect them to and that is when I see how strong I am. In addition, while I often appear calm and cool, I wrestle with my inner strengths and I question myself often.
  • I can very creative and at the same token, I am a traditional person.  I am grounded and would never wonder away from house to chase wild dreams, but I believe in personal expression and freedom.  I believe that everyone should do what makes them happy even if the cost is that their choices will not be accepted by others in their life.

While my brothers may think I am flawless, what they don’t know is that I am human. Moreover, they have been known to be critical of my choices so there is a lot animosity there which I have learned over the years to let go of.  They think that I am in control of every aspect my life, my marriage, my family, my career, my health, etc., but they don’t have a clue.  The older I get to more realize that I am not really striving for perfection, I am striving for normalcy.  I know that my good and bad traits flow together to make me the person that I am, but flawless, I am not.  If people look at me to see me as all together and normal, I will settle for that.

See, I “like” me, even with all my flaws and imperfections.  That is the Capricorn in me.

Don’t forget you have until next Monday, November 15 to enter to win The Law of the Garbage Truck.

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10 thoughts on “Flawless – No, just looking for normalcy!

  1. Girlfriend, you do have it all together more than most. When people’s life’s are a bit whacked, yours looks good from outside. But your brothers, and many others do not know about the things you dont allow them to see. 😉

    1. Dee, absolutely. There are things about me that my own mother doesn’t know. My sisters are my closest friends, but I don’t show them and/or tell them everything. Sometimes, letting the world see that we have it all together allows us to feel like we do.

  2. You mean you’re not perfect?? Man, what a let down.

    I have been looking at adopting a new philosophy for myself. I am not going to set any goals … this way when I fail to meet one, I won’t feel bummed out or depressed about it.

    1. Terry – I am normal and I am human and that works for now. Your plan sucks! You take to set goals to learn from your mistakes. You also have to feel the rush that goes with them. I love the rush. Why do not think I set my standards so high? 🙂 The rush of trying to meet a goal, and then meeting it, now that is a real high.

      1. Haha I know, it’s not my style either. I was just running it by you to see what kind of a reaction I would get. : )

      2. You are lucky you have hundreds of miles away because I would I have slapped you upside the head. Are you an NCIS fan? Special Agent Gibbs often says, “A slap to the face is an insult… to the back of the head is a wake up call.” You were lucky I was not in the same room. 🙂

    1. If they only knew that my life is just as crazy as the next person. The only difference is that I have learned to make the best of what life hands me. They will learn too.

  3. A W E S O M E post Lana! LOVED this!!!! I had to laugh on the holds a grudge part…I used to be the same way. THen I realized that it caused me more pain then the person I was grudging on. Ughhh. lol. I really loved this post. You rock.

    1. Thanks Sheila. I could have never imagined being so intimidating. I am notorious for not forgiving. Actually, I am the type of person that if you stab me in the back, you are out of my life because I don’t give permission for people to stab me in the back again. I am not a mean person; I just walk away from those people and I have a hard time letting them back into my life.

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