If I have not left comments at your blogs, don’t take it personally. If I have not called or returned your calls, don’t take that personally either. If I have not emailed or returned emails, it is not personal yet again. Living with two chronic illnesses means that people in our lives cannot take things personally when we are dealing with the struggles of our illnesses, in particular on the days where it feels like these diseases are winning (and if we want to cry or throw fits like a cranky toddler, we are entitled). Now, the problem has really come down to my symptoms and the reason for those symptoms is the delay in receiving my Humira because of refill delays at my doctor’s office which made me two weeks behind. Further, I was supposed to receive my injections today but one of the UPS planes broke down and my shipment was delayed. Can you believe my luck?
I am just having the worst luck the last few days. I interviewed for three positions in two weeks time. I ended up playing phone tag with one of the companies I interviewed with. By the time, I actually got to speak to the person doing the hiring, the position was offered to someone else. They were going to offer me the position, but the game of phone tag did not help my case (I want to scream). I am sure it was not meant to be but I still feel down and downright cranky. Who knows? I may still hear from one of the other two (not getting my hopes up though).
Earlier in the month, one of the tenants at the property we own (that I did not necessarily agree to my husband purchasing) moved out without giving notice. My husband wants to sue them for breaking the lease but I would be the one doing the suing, not him, so I told him to let the issue go. When it comes to buying the property and managing it, I did not agree but when I husband wanted to purchase it, it was like buying a pet. You know when your kids say, “I promise if you let me have it, I will take good care of it. I will feed it, clean up after it, and take it for a walk.” Then, when you are up at six in the morning walking the dog, you wonder what you were thinking allowing them to get a pet. Think same scenario for the purchase of that property, but with a grown man in his late 40s. Now, I told him the only option for him is to sell it. There are no other options because I am tired of “walking the dog” that I did not want in the first place.
I always have bad luck this time of the year and for some reason, I do not know how to just schedule a vacation at this time and just stay in bed. This morning, I was late a half hour getting in to work because I overslept and then, traffic was a mess. I also have a bump on my face – above my check bone, right under my eye. My terrible toddler threw his pacifier (yes he still has one – can’t seem to get rid of it) last night behind the TV. I leaned over to reach for it behind the TV stand and bumped that part of my face into the edge of the stand and now, I have a pretty bruise there that hurts like H-E-double hockey sticks. Turns out that part of the cheek bone is really sensitive.
Per the usual, I read my horoscope this morning and this is what it said: You may be feeling a bit of anxiety today that’s coming from all the uncontrollable energy floating around. But this isn’t necessarily anything bad; it’s just that you aren’t comfortable when you can feel that something’s out of your control — and there is too much happening now for you to find peace of mind. You’re better off if you let go and enjoy the ride while it lasts. (It is like someone was following me around today and the last few days.)
This describes my mood better than I can. I feel anxious and my surroundings are not in my control. There is so much going on including today being the first day of school for my son and the start of another of my master’s courses. I just don’t feel like anything is in my control and I am feel down right sad. I know that there are ups and downs in life and when living with a chronic illness, including mood swings (yes, I said it). Add being a Type A person to the mess and you have an overwhelmed woman in her mid 30s. I like to have control of my life, and that works fine, until something manages to fall out of place that is not in my control (It is worse than a single father trying to create a work-life balance).
I am the type of person who is always there for my friends and a friend came to me for support today, and I offered a game face, even though I just wanted to be left alone. I told her that I was here for her anytime she needed to talk or a shoulder to cry on, but I really I am the one that needed that. I confided in one of my coworkers today and told her that I was feeling just so down right awful and I was not even sure why. She told me that it has been awhile since I got my haircut and that I should call Peter, my stylist. A new cut might lift my spirits so I have date with Peter on Friday evening.
My moods have also pissed a lot of people off and I apologize to them and hope that they don’t take it personally. My excuse is that I am Type A with RA and FMS and a messy work-life balance. That is a good enough excuse, if any? Right? So, if I have not posted any nice comments at your blogs, not answered when your calls, returned your calls or even responded to your voice mails, emails, and Facebook and blogger cements, don’t take it personally. I will when I am easier to be around and when I am in a better mood.