Posted in Motherhood

Feeling Down: Someone Call Willie

Lately, I have been feeling down and I can’t put on my hand on why. I know that I am not depressed but I just find myself feeling sad for no apparent reason. For the first time in nearly two years, I have been having some long pain-free or low pain periods. You would think that I wouldn’t be in such a down mood but I am.

I find myself stressed out more than usual and losing my temper over petty things. This morning I found myself stressed because my ten year old was trying to rush out of house because they have state achievement testing this week, and my toddler was not being cooperative. Where was my husband during this chaotic morning? He was supposedly sleeping and pretending to ignore all the chaos. If he has not already left for work in the morning, he usually ignores what I have to endure.

What is it about lazy husbands? I know I am not the only one. The roles of men and women today are much different than those of our parents. However, the U.S. Bureau of Statistics reports that working mothers spend twice as much time doing household chores and taking care of their children than do their husbands.

There is no point in anyone trying to advise me on changing my husband, because I have gotten blue in the face trying. The fact is my husband knows how much harder I work than he does and he isn’t bothered by it so I can either turn our lives in a constant battle everyday or I can just whine and complain when I have had enough. This second way is better for my blood pressure and it keeps my marriage in tact.

This morning I did a great job keeping it together even after I realized I had the wrong set of keys and my toddler sat in the mud after we walked out the front door. I found the right keys and changed my toddler without strangling my husband who was pretending he was not hearing any of the chaos that was happening. Oh, what I would give to be that carefree!

I dropped my toddler off at daycare and my ten year old at school (because by that point, the daycare bus had left for the school drop-off). Despite, all this chaos, I sat in my car and just smiled. As chaotic as my life is, I wouldn’t trade it for a less chaotic one.

Then, adding to my melancholy mood, Toby Keith came on the radio with “I’ll Never Smoke Weed With Willie Again,” and I sang along wishing Willie would invite me on his bus.

I know how much I feel down and it is not because I am unhappy with my life. It is because I am stressed and tired and that is what it is like for every working mother with or without the added burden of RA and FMS. If anyone hears from Willie Nelson, let him know that I am waiting for his call to tell me when he will be in town.


5 thoughts on “Feeling Down: Someone Call Willie

  1. 😦 Oh girl, I know you have been "down" but not really saying why. Maybe you don't know. Maybe it's just a cycle of the illnesses. At any rate, I will let Willie know. He left here this morning after we had a good laugh over cruellamail.

  2. I am not really sure Dee why I am feeling down and it seems like it has been like this for about 3 weeks to a month now. Your right that it may be the cycle of illness. It is like I just feel sad but I know that I am content with my life. My life is stressful, but I am stressed because I have these two wonderful little boys in my life and I wouldn't trade that for anything. So yes, I cannot put my hand on it. I have no idea. THe feeling is like a caffiene or medication withdrawal. Maybe is the Lyrica for FMS that I started about a month and a half ago.

  3. Lana, I know from reading your blog that you've been down. I also know first hand how RA (or any other chronic illness) can put a strain on a relationship. We aren't asking for a lot, maybe a little bit of understanding, some attention every once in a while … oh, and some help around the house. I know we (husbands) get a bad rap, being lazy and sitting around the house watching sports (not that I don't watch my share of games) but we're not all lazy sloths. I do more housework, with the exception of cooking (although I do make a mean can of soup!) than my wife does. Yes, you did do a great job keeping it together yesterday. I'm proud of you and hope that today is better for you. I love Toby's "I'll Never Smoke Weed With Willie Again”. Also love the "Taliban Song" that he did a few years ago. One thing about Toby, you don't have to second guess where he stands on something.

  4. Terry, that is what chronic illness does. It makes us numb and we start to feel depressed because that numbness. My husband hasn’t related changed – he has always been laid back (and somewhat lazy), but it never got to me the way it does now. The fact is, I have changed and disease doesn’t make it any easier. I do my best to keep it together but there are days where I turn into a tyrant and I end up with a lot of guilt for it. Like this morning, I snapped at my ten year old because he was trying to be helpful. I apologized profusely and I still feel guilty. I have heard the "Taliban Song,” too. I love Toby but I would never let my kids listen to him. And yes, I know that not all husbands are lazy. 🙂 (Just the ones I pick.):)

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