Posted in Motherhood

Losing Sight of the Big Picture

I have spent too many days feeling sorry for myself and it is time I end it. For some reason, crap and bad news always happen together. Lately, I just feel weighed down by life and all my responsibilities that it has turned me into a chronic complainer. Instead of ranting and raving about the craziness that has suddenly invaded my life, I need to take a step back and remind myself whom I am and what kind of person I am. For one, there is no room to feel sorry for myself and second, I am a lot of tougher than that.

It may seem like so much is hitting me at once, but that’s not true because my life has always been crazy. However, lately I am losing a lot of the toughness that I have always had. Some of it is my health and some of it is getting older. For long time, I always managed to avoid hitting the curb and now, it is getting harder to swerve. So many people in my life tell me to keep going and focusing on my goals and my dreams but maybe it is time for me to step back and be patient. I have a whole lot going on it my life all at once and my health is playing a major role in my response to all this chaos.

I have a rambunctious toddler and an emotional preteen to raise. I have a full time job, advocacy work, and I am working on master’s degree part-time. For once, I think my plate is full. I think that maybe I need to take a break from either working on master’s or going part-time and I cannot believe I am feeling this. In some ways, I think my body and my mind are telling me to slow down.

One of the women I work with told me earlier today “you’re young. What is the rush? Focus on your children. You have plenty of time to complete your degree and climb the career ladder.” It occurred to me that she was right about my needing to slow down and focusing on my kids, my advocacy work and supplementing my family’s income. Perhaps, trying to climb the career ladder can wait a little bit. Why am I in a rush? I am still young enough that I have plenty of time to wait to start putting cracks into the glass ceiling.


4 thoughts on “Losing Sight of the Big Picture

  1. Geez Lana your plate is not just full it's overflowing. I have no idea how you are managing all that. My hat is off to you for being able to juggle all that you do. I am exhausted just thinking about it. I agree that you don't have to do it all, all at once. You need to have a little time to enjoy the fruits of all your labor. Or maybe sneak in a nap :)Hugs, Jo-Ann

  2. It really IS a matter of perspective. Our society expects us to "do it all" — be a perfect mom, a perfect wife, a good worker, to have a career that's always on the way up, and and and. But we're only human. There's only so much one woman can reasonably do in a day. And when she's got a chronic illness, too — wow.You're wise to take this sober step back. Take your time deciding what aspects of your life are the most important, right now, and which ones can wait a while. It may be that giving yourself a little less to handle will allow you to find the perfect niche for yourself and your dreams in the world.And slowing down allows you to look for the everyday gifts, as well. The little things. Birds. Butterflies. A child's open, trusting, wondrous smile. I'm glad for you, Lana, and I'm right behind you. You'll be JUST fine.-Wren

  3. It sounds to me like you are really good at listening to your own body. That doesn't mean the decisions are easier to make or can be made quickly, but that you are listening and letting it sit with you until you know exactly what you want. You do have a full plate. Wow! It's funny to me now when I look back to when I was pregnant with my first child. I was working on my master's and so excited to get it. Then he was born and leaving his side to study or take classes seemed like the last thing I wanted to do. I just stopped working on it. I have never regretted my decision. I am not saying that is the right choice for you, but that once you figure out how much you need to slow down, I think you will find comfort and be in a happy place.

  4. Thank you ladies for your input on this. For a long time, I thought I knew what the big picture was. I thought it was all these things and now, I realize that it was not all these things – at least not all at once. I am half way through my master’s degree so I think I will take a break as soon as I complete the current course I am in which ends early June and take a couple quarters off. After that, I will start to consider a PT job so I that I can think about finishing out my master’s degree. The plan’s there – let’s see how well I can keep it together.

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