I recently interviewed for a new position but after the interview, it hit me that as much as I need to move on, I don’t know if I now how to move on anymore. I realized that age has a lot to do with not wanting change in our lives. Or perhaps, I have had enough change in the last couple years that I am learning to fear change.
The reality is that change will happen whether we like it or not. We also need change whether we know it or not. It helps us to grow and determines our health and well-being. I believe it was Charles Darwin who said that “it is not the strongest of species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”
Scientific American published an (December 2008) article titled “Set in Our Ways: Why Change is Hard,” by Nikolas Westerhoff. Westerhoff discusses how certain factors such as age and genetics affect how we respond to change.
Here is a quote from the Scientific American article that stood out for me. It relates to how age affects how we respond to change.
“Although people typically [lose] their appetite for novelty as they age, many continue to claim a passion for it …Yet even as people older than thirty yearn for what is new, many find themselves unable or unwilling to make fundamental changes in their lives. Researchers say this paradox can be largely explained by the demands of adult responsibilities and that unrealistic expectations may also play a part in thwarting our best intentions. Change is rarely as easy as we think it will be.”
What we all know about change is that young people are more open to change than older people. I suppose it is natural for me to be hesitant. I know that it is time for me to move on and look for opportunities that allow me to advance in my field. However, I am comfortable where I am at in my life and it seems like what I have is enough even though I know I can be better and that a more promising opportunity would be good for me and my family.
Further, a part of me is afraid to move on. One reason is the current state of economy and I know have a position that is secure. I know the company I work for and my role is valuable. Years ago, this would not have mattered to me and I would have been willing to take a leap of faith, but these days, I feel like I am too old to figure it out. Meanwhile, there are a lot of great opportunities for someone who is as experienced (and motivated if I can get my mojo back) as I am. I feel like I have fallen in hole and I don’t know if I want to climb out.
At the interview, I found myself not as motivated as I was in the past. The position I interviewed for pays a lot more than I am currently making. Further, it has a much better benefits package and it is with a prestigious law firm. It is a place where I know my skills will be put to good use, but I am not sure I want to move on or whether I have the motivation to do so.
Maybe, it is the RA and the FMS talking. As we all know, part of living with chronic illness results in depression. I like to consider myself an upbeat person but lately I feel like I have given all I have to give and I just I want to be left alone. I know it is part of getting older but for once in my life, I feel like I am okay where I am out and I really don’t have the energy or patience to find out what the world has to offer.
I am the type of person who has always hated and feared failure so because of that, I chose to always work towards success but lately, the fear of failure cripples me. I am not saying that I am severely depressed or anything along those lines, but at 34, I don’t know how much further I can reach for the stars. I have everything I ever wanted – a good husband and amazing children, a home and a career I am proud of – the American dream. I know there is more out there for me but for today, I just want to live in the moment. Maybe, in a few months, I will want to again attempt to reach for the stars, but for today, I am okay where I am at.
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As for my review for the Zibra Company, it is coming. I have the products sitting on my kitchen counter and I use them every time I am in the kitchen. They are absolutely helpful and with my hands growing weaker, the products are a godsend.