James M. Barrie was a Scottish author and dramatist. He is best known for the creation of “Peter Pan.” “Life is a long lesson in humility” – this is his quote. It is quote that I have long lived by and the older I get the more it makes sense to me. I am one of those people that welcome getting older. For me, it means that I have accomplished a lot, but it also means that the years go faster than we think. As far I am concerned, I have no problem with getting older but it is hard to grasp the idea that the older I get, the older my kids get.
My ten year old is leaving to NYC this evening to visit his aunt during his spring break. He is so proud of himself because this trip makes him feel older and “not like a little kid.” He told me yesterday that I need to give him more responsibility and let him make more choices on his own because he was tried of being treated like a baby. At that moment it occurred to me that he was not a “baby” anymore and that I had to stop being a hovering mother. In the last year, he has grown more mature, looks much older, and he is now only two inches shorter than me. He is growing up into a young man and it is harder on me than I thought it would be. Moreover, I am very proud of him but I did not anticipate that the time would go by this fast. In the last year, and since his little brother was born, he has grown up in so many ways and as proud of him as I am, I am also sad. I am sad, mostly, because he is not a baby anymore and in eight years, we will be making plans for college.
I am getting older too and I look at my nineteen month old and I am not sure how these last nineteen months flew by. It is like I feel asleep and awoke to my boys being older. For those of you with grown children, you know that it goes by faster than we expect it to. Soon, I will be attending high school and college graduations and being the proud mother I am supposed to be. Then, there will be marriages and grandchildren and I will wonder where the years went. It makes me want to freeze time but at the same token, I do want them to grow up, and I do want a life of my own. Because as much as I love being their mother, I love being my own person too. Sometimes, I feel that by saying and feeling that it makes me selfish, but I also I know it makes me human.
Looking in the mirror, I don’t the young face I used to have but I see someone who is older, wiser and stronger. I am also much happier than I was ten years ago and I wouldn’t trade the person I am today to be ten years younger. I have so many reasons for feeling like that. For starters, I have gained so many new skills and I am richer with friends than I have ever been. Now, I am not saying I have a lot more friends – in fact, I can count my closest friends on one hand, but my friendships are more meaningful. Further, I have never been more at peace with myself than I have ever been and I know how lucky and blessed at am and ten years ago, I wouldn’t have known that. In addition, people come to me for advice and I have a lot to give. Ten years ago, I would have never been taken seriously but I get to be the go-to person for advice now and that makes me proud.
Life really is a lesson in humility. I am proud of who I am and who I have become. Even though I have RA and FMS to share my life with everyday, they are still part of who I am and who I have become and I like that person. I really do.