The last few days have been extremely difficult dealing with muscle pain from fibromyalgia and joint pain from rheumatoid arthritis. I know that bad days come as do the good days, but when you sleep with ice packs under you at night because you back feels like it is broken in a hundred pieces, you have had the same headache for days, and your joints just want to give up, you became weary. Whether I like it or not, RA, FMS, and I have to live together. It is like sharing a life with three people. The fact is RA and FMS are in my way and they are here to stay. Through the good and through the bad – they are both here whether I like it or not. (The worst is having to share a bed with them and my snoring husband.)
I don’t feel sorry for myself because I am way too tough for that, but there are days where it can be hard and I can’t always win. Sometimes, something as simple as walking from the parking garage to my office is difficult and sometimes, it hurts to just lay on my back. There are nights where I lie awake at night whispering the words “I am in so much pain” over and over. I am seeing a new rheumy next week to get a second opinion on my fibromyalgia pain. I am going on six months with Humira and my joint pain has lessened, but my muscle pain as result of FMS has gotten worse. I understand that I cannot always win, but when the pain gets this bad, it is not always easy to carry on but I still do.
I accept that the pain is here to stay and I have to share my life with FMS and RA, but I wish that I could have one day without pain. It seems like that hasn’t happened in forever but I still have a job to do, children to raise, and a master’s degree to finish. Even though RA and FMS are a part of my life, they cannot stop me from living my life.
Still, it sucks feeling like this. Thanks Garfield for the visual.