I love being a mother. In fact, of all the roles I play my life, it is my most favorite and I would not trade it for anything in the world. With that said, it is also the hardest job I have. Having a child means a lifetime of worry and as my friend Ava’s mom always says, “It is a life sentence without parole.”
Being a mother to me is a privilege and one that I don’t always feel worthy or deserving of. Still, I am honored to be given such a privilege even though sometimes, it feels like I am not capable or even worthy. You are probably wondering why this woman is acting like an insane lunatic but I have spent most of the evening feeling guilty because my eighteen month old decided to make an attempt to climb out of his crib, fell, and broke his elbow. I didn’t know it was serious until after I realized he was not lifting his arm when he was playing.
I took him to the emergency room, spent two hours there, and the x-rays showed an elbow fracture. After I went through the “why me” and “don’t I ever get a break” routine, the guilt turned into the “I am a crappy parent” routine. I know what happened wasn’t my fault because toddlers never can sit still, but considering I know what pain feels like, I had to hate for myself for what happened.
Well, little Elliott has a temporary splint until Monday when we see the orthopedic specialist, but it does not mean I feel less guilty or less of a crappy parent. For once, I am not feeling sorry for myself; I am feeling sorry for my kids. And yes, even after the fall and the splint, he was still running wild and causing trouble like nothing happened.