Remember that movie with Jane Seymour and James Brolin based Georgia Brockoven’s novel. The story is about a boy who dreams of having two parents who love him very much. The boy’s mother died when he was just a baby and he is adopted and raised by his aunt when along comes the boy’s father seven years later to sue for custody. The boy wants the both of them to be his parents and the court comes up with a solution. Instead of dividing custody, the court suggests they get married.
After years of marriage, do you ever feel like you are in a marriage of convenience? About.com defines a marriage of convenience as a “marriage between two people for practical or financial reasons and not for love or intimacy.”
Now, I am not taking immigration fraud. I am talking about the motions of life. Marriage becomes something a person is used to. Mostly, it is because spouses are so busy with their lives, their families, their jobs, etc., and they forget to make time for each other.
Now, believe me, I know that I am not alone in wondering whether there is really supposed to be more. Further, I am not talking about a relationship where a couple just simply does not get along. I am talking about the couple who has focused their marriage on their responsibilities and forgotten the intimacy. Yes, now you know what I mean. (Well, it took you long enough.)
I think that part of the problem is that family life isn’t all fun and games. It involves taking care of bills, children, other family members, and a huge list of other responsibilities. At some point, we all come to a conclusion that marriage is what we have to do to be adults. Part of the problem is that marriage gets forgotten because of our careers, caring of our children and other responsibilities.
I am sure that it is not usual to miss the excitement that existed between a couple before all the responsibilities of life kicked in. After awhile, you find yourself going through the motions. A person shouldn’t feel guilty for missing the prior life they had and it does make them a bad parent or spouse because of it. Family is all about responsibility and we make personal sacrifices because we are responsible.
At some level, I think it is okay for a marriage to go through the motions, but at the other end of the spectrum, I wonder for how long. I know it is easy to get caught up in those motions, but does the romance ever come back? I am not sure if there is an easy answer when you are too busy with your life and the minute your head hits the pillow you start snoring, maybe not.
I am not saying my marriage is over, but good lord, it has gotten boring. I love my husband but we are starting to act like an old married couple. Friends of mine who have been married for a long time tell me that that is a good thing. Is it? Maybe, I am older I actually know the answer.