For the last week, I have desperately been trying to blog, and I cannot seem to put anything that is on my mind in writing. I think, for the most part, I am struggling with issues that have come in my life as result of living with an autoimmune disease that causes me to live with chronic pain everyday of my life. My blog is my outlet for dealing with that and understanding is something that most “normal” people in my life cannot offer. I look at the comments of those who read my blog, and I understand that I AM NOT ALONE when it comes to this disease or any invisible disease. I have made it a point to reach out to those of you who are struggling with this disease because I know that when I hit my low points that kind words make all the difference in the world.
I guess, if anything, I know that having RA and FMS have changed me in both bad and good ways. At the same time, I have become numb and sometimes, my lack of sympathy is not something I am not proud of. Sometimes, I just want to feel something (compassion, love, hate, etc.) and it is getting harder and harder everyday. I used look at the world optimistically and I believed that small gestures could change the world. Now, I am just glad that my children have a roof over their heads. I used to care about things like charity work, small gestures to make someone’s day better, and even keeping a smile on so as to promote a positive outlook for others. There are two quotes on my blog that I live my life by and more and more these days, I find I have to remind myself.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
THE LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK
“Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.” David J. Pollay
I am constantly reminding myself that “life is too short” and that I am not a garbage truck and I refused to let garbage trucks ruin my day or my life. It can be hard sometimes to stick to those quotes when people don’t understand how sick you are. I find myself telling them “I get to be sick everyday for the rest of my life. You get your health.” Maybe I am wrong for taking that stance but people shouldn’t take their health for granted or somehow assume that people with invisible conditions are somehow “lazy.” I know that I am not lazy but on my bad days, I am entitled to be.