Posted in Fibromyaloga, rheumatoid arthritis

I am envious of healthy people

When you get to be sick everyday of your life, you think superheroes are the ones who never seem to be sick. In addition to having RA and FMS, I am always sniffling, sneezing, coughing, and dealing with an almost daily headache because my immune system is so weak. Instead of hating healthy people, I wish I knew their secrets. I wish I knew how they managed to be healthy and to have such good immune systems. If I could choose between being healthy and being rich, I would definitely choose to be healthy without a thought.

As much as I envy healthy people, I somtimes have a personal hate for people for take their health for granted. Those are the people who I would like to scream at “You get to be healthy! Wake up and realize it! Don’t take it for granted! Stop being lazy! Go out and enjoy your healthy life!” See, there was a time when I took being healthy for granted too. I worried about my weight and I thought being thin meant being healthy. I am also a former smoker, who quit the day she found out she was pregnant with her now toddler, and I have not picked up the habit after that day. I have always had a busy life and paid more attention to my career than I did to my health. Then RA stuck, and I suppose the rest is history.

I know that my previous health choices did not lead me to have RA and FMS. I know that even people who eat healthier and workout almost daily can be stricken with these conditions. I just find myself wondering sometimes that perhaps my children don’t deserve a mother who is sick and tired all the time. My husband does not deserve a wife who is always crabby, exhausted, and has no time for him. My family and friends  deserve someone who can keep commitments. Still, I wouldn’t wish this upon someone else even my worst enemy.

I accept RA and FMS in my life because I don’t have much of a choice, and I try to focus and enjoy my life despite being sick nearly everyday of my life. I cancelled plans with a good friend this past weekend because of the malaise fairy and the pain troll’s visits, and in doing so, I felt really guilty. I had not seen my friend Rhonda in months even though she lives only a mile up the road and works a few blocks away from my job as well. RA and FMS are definitely time consumers and they make any free time a person has go pretty fast.

Being sick forces me to be envious of healthy people. I am not angry at them, simply envious.


3 thoughts on “I am envious of healthy people

  1. Envious….yes. It's hard to remember a time when I wasn't hurting. When I could do "normal" activities. When something like mopping the floor didn't send a thousand knives into my back and knees.The canceling of plans, the feeling like my husband deserves better…I can relate. It's frustrating. But, I think the bad days make us appreciate the good days even more.

  2. I am one who took my health for granted when I was younger. I didn't abuse my body in the normal sense of drugs, drinking and smoking or overeating. I abused my body from racing motorcycles. Deep down I knew that I would pay for all of the broken bones and concussions later, but never expected the payback to be RA. I understand what you're saying about the friends and family don't deserve to have to put up with you. I feel the very same way some days. But we didn't exactly sign up to get RA. I wrote a blog a few months ago about what would you do if you could have just one weekend to be RA free again. It would be a busy weekend for me.

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