Today is my birthday. I am 34. The closer I was getting to this day, the more I reflected upon my life. I know I haven’t achieved everything I want to achieve, but I don’t give up that easy. I have had some obstacles along the way, but I gotten really good at swerving and being defensive so as not to feel hurt or to hurt others. One of the things I promise myself each year that I am older is to cry a little less and laugh a little more. The older I get the tougher I get and granted, I do laugh a lot more, but the toughness is what keeps me from crying, falling or failing. I am not saying that I don’t ever feel like I can’t get up. I have RA, God knows I feel that a lot. But the days that I feel like I can’t get up are also the same days, I remind myself of how lucky and blessed I am.
The last two years have been the most difficult of my life, but they also taught me strength, resilience, and perseverance. It had gotten to a point where I felt like my fate had been tested on a daily basis and all I could was hold on tight, and every time, I was pushed down and pushed to my limits, I got up. It wasn’t easy, but I did.
So much has happened in the last two years. I found myself pregnant after deciding I wasn’t having any more children and at a time when our financial situation was as scary as it could have ever been. I also found out I had RA less than two months after giving birth to my now fifteen month old. Within a week after I gave birth, I was not able to walk and I was very sick but I never gave up because my children needed me to strong. I didn’t have all the answers then but I kept getting up despite every obstacle thrown in my way. There were times where I wanted so much to give up and when I thought there were no answers but it didn’t stop me from getting up. I gave myself something to fight for and that is the people I love. If anything, they need me to be strong and because of them, I know strength.
The New Year is on its way and as usual, I don’t set resolutions. I just promise myself to be a better person every day. I look towards God for my strength and my guidance. At the same time, I make my own strength. I remind myself despite what I have to deal with, I have a whole lot of people who depend on me to keep it all together, and I keep it together for them.
So, here is to another year of being older and being wiser.