Posted in nonsense

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday. I am 34. The closer I was getting to this day, the more I reflected upon my life. I know I haven’t achieved everything I want to achieve, but I don’t give up that easy. I have had some obstacles along the way, but I gotten really good at swerving and being defensive so as not to feel hurt or to hurt others. One of the things I promise myself each year that I am older is to cry a little less and laugh a little more. The older I get the tougher I get and granted, I do laugh a lot more, but the toughness is what keeps me from crying, falling or failing. I am not saying that I don’t ever feel like I can’t get up. I have RA, God knows I feel that a lot. But the days that I feel like I can’t get up are also the same days, I remind myself of how lucky and blessed I am.

The last two years have been the most difficult of my life, but they also taught me strength, resilience, and perseverance. It had gotten to a point where I felt like my fate had been tested on a daily basis and all I could was hold on tight, and every time, I was pushed down and pushed to my limits, I got up. It wasn’t easy, but I did.

So much has happened in the last two years. I found myself pregnant after deciding I wasn’t having any more children and at a time when our financial situation was as scary as it could have ever been. I also found out I had RA less than two months after giving birth to my now fifteen month old. Within a week after I gave birth, I was not able to walk and I was very sick but I never gave up because my children needed me to strong. I didn’t have all the answers then but I kept getting up despite every obstacle thrown in my way. There were times where I wanted so much to give up and when I thought there were no answers but it didn’t stop me from getting up. I gave myself something to fight for and that is the people I love. If anything, they need me to be strong and because of them, I know strength.

The New Year is on its way and as usual, I don’t set resolutions. I just promise myself to be a better person every day. I look towards God for my strength and my guidance. At the same time, I make my own strength. I remind myself despite what I have to deal with, I have a whole lot of people who depend on me to keep it all together, and I keep it together for them.

So, here is to another year of being older and being wiser.


8 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to Me

  1. Have a fabulous birthday, Lana. I remember my 34th well — I was three years into my RA diagnosis and coping the best I could. You're doing far better than I was at the time, believe me. You have an abundance of courage and determination.In the midst of taking care of your family, however, please remember to take care of yourself. You feel your strength comes from their need for you; it does, but if you don't give the same care to yourself that you do them, you'll be in trouble. Please be mindful and love yourself, too.Anyhoo — Have a great day! May the next year bring you joy.-Wren

  2. Happy birthday. You have been through a lot but your attitude will take you far. Best wishes for a happy year with good health.

  3. Happy bday Lana! I am we are close in age 🙂 I was just diagnosed this past year with RA and I have a 12 year old daughter…have been a single mom since she was 10 months old. Our kiddos can certainly keep us strong and help us to fight every day to make it through and laugh a little! Here is to a new year and the many challenges, blessings, tears, and laughs we will all have! 🙂

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