Posted in rheumatoid arthritis

I Hate Having Rheumatoid Arthritis

This is a venting moment. There are 2.1 million Americans who have been diagnosed with rheumatoid and sometimes – okay, always – I wish I wasn’t one of them.

I hate RA because:

I try to maintain a positive attitude but there are days where I have a lot of anger and resent. RA has changed my whole life. The pain never ends and I am always tired. I guess I wish I knew what “normal” was. There are activities I have had to limit or stop doing all together. I worry about the future and I hate the grim future of this disease. I hate that it affects those I love, and I hate the disappointment I see in their eyes when they see me hurting.

I have had to bow out of many family activities because either I am just too tired or I am in too much pain. I have found a lot of resentment from people who just do not get that I am not the same person I was a year or two ago. I cannot win with RA; I guess none of us can.

RA sucks out my energy, my concentration, my patience, the problem solving skills I need to use on the job, and it has taken away my time and my dreams for the future. I feel guilty that I will not always be able to provide for my family or that I do not have time for old friends, or time to make new ones. RA takes all of that away from you. All I do is work and attend to my home life. Sometimes, I wonder whether I should bother finishing up my master’s degree with RA as a part of my future.

On some level, I try to make the best of the changes that RA has brought to my life, and I try to look at the positives in my life, but there really isn’t a day that goes by that I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn’t sick all the time. It is also hard when no one understands – your family, your friends, co-workers, etc. They look at you as if you are imagining the fatigue and the pain. If the pain is bad at night, you wake up worse in the morning and you know it.

I also feel guilty that my husband does not have a pleasant wife. I hate that I am always too tired to work on our marriage. I hate that he does not always understand that I feel sick all the time.

However, I accept Rheumatoid Arthritis in my life because:

It is a part of my life, and I accept it. I work hard to deal with it and to go on with my life. I struggle, but everyone struggles with something, and for me, its RA. I do not let the disease define me, and I am not alone. I have met many great people in my journey who really get what I am doing through. I accept RA because I cannot change it. I accept RA because I have people that depend on me, and despite RA, they need me.

If anything, I learn every day to accept my life with RA, and to live the best I can with this disease.


7 thoughts on “I Hate Having Rheumatoid Arthritis

  1. Love the song.I decided awhile ago not to think of the what if's and worry about the future. Easier said than done. I have these days too, when I just get MAD. It's okay to feel like this once in awhile.Love from someone who understands…Mallen

  2. Keep reminding yourself of all the good in your life. Sometimes RA tries to rob us of that but the good is there, we just have to look deep for it.

  3. Thanks for sharing this song Lana, and thanks for your note on my page. I think I will take you up on your offer and write soon. I'm having a really hard time this month. My husband is being so wonderful about everything, but all I feel is guilty. I feel so so guilty that he has put everything into making me better and now I cannot pay it back. He says he would have done it anyway, but I just can't escape the guilt right now. All the years, all our work and all our education, and all I have to show for it is a bathroom full of usuelss pills. It is hard to accept.- RA Superb*tch

  4. "I accept RA because I cannot change it." So many years of my life are wrapped up in these eight words. A lot of people might think that I have always accepted my illness, and that positive thinking has always been a part of my life. This has not always been the case, but I am grateful that it is the case for me, now.There were so many struggles…but eventually what got me moving back forward was accepting that the presence of RA in my life is outside of my control. What is in my control is how I react to it, and how I lead my life from this point onwards. Easier said than done, I know, but if we take things little by little, we can accomplish a lot.Thanks for sharing the ups and downs of your life with RA.

  5. It's such a terrible thing to be diagnosed with any type of disease. I know what I suffer from pales in comparison to what some people suffer from. When I was first diagnosed with RA, I felt numb for what must have been 3 or 4 days. I had more questions than answers, didn't know who to talk to, trust or how to research a good rheumatologist. But I am so glad it was me and not my wife or daughter.I truly hate that any person has to go through what we are enduring. But in a strange kind of way, it has opened me up to be more compassionate and appreciate things that I so often took for granted in life.

  6. I admire that you are all able to stay so positive about this. I know we all have our moments, and I am having one now. I've had this stupid disease for 11 years (sine I was 13) and I am just sick and tired of it. It doesn't seem like anything works to control, and that the more aggressive I try to be about controlling it, the more aggressive it seems to be at trying to control me. Anyway, enough negative for the moment.

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