Posted in nonsense

Yes…but you are married now???

The other day I saw an old friend and I immediately went up to him and said hello. The conversation was one had to blog about.

Me: How have you been doing?
Him: Good, yourself?
Me: I am great. It’s been awhile since I have seen or heard from you. A year maybe?
Him: Yeah, well…you changed your phone number on me.
Me: I have email; you could have sent me an email.
Him: Yes…but you are married now.

Yes…but you are married now??? Did I detect a hint of jealousy there? For years, I held a flame for this guy and when, he finally decided he had held a torch for me, I was engaged to my husband. I smiled, trying not to blush, at the words “yes…but you are married now,” and tried to reassure him that we would always be friends, but I knew that the moment I married my husband, that wasn’t true. After I got married, he barely talked to me and after my now 14 month old was born, my friend cut off all communication with me.

I said goodbye to my friend, and walked away with my boys. There was nothing more to be said. For years, I was madly in love with this guy, and he barely knew I existed. Then, one day, he told me how he felt, and I did nothing, because at that point in my life, it wasn’t what I wanted. I was a single mother looking for stability and he was still partying like it was 1999, and something tells me he is still partying like it is 1999.

On the other hand, I am not saying that I don’t still hold a torch for him, but I know, without reservation, that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Sometimes, a part of me longs for a spur-of-the moment impulse, considering the only spontaneous thing my husband does is wear his boxers to bed instead of his Mr. Rogers’ pajamas, and heck, he wouldn’t even notice if I shaved my legs or if I didn’t, but that isn’t me. I picked my husband because I wanted stability in my life. I was a single mother trying to make my way in the world and impulse was the last thing on my mind.

I am a working mother of two children, a toddler and a tween. I barely get eight hours of sleep at night, I don’t have time to eat healthy, I don’t have time to worry about my hair or makeup on a daily basis, or shoes or purses, and I am lucky if I have a moment to myself. But, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. On most days, my hair is up in a bun; I am not wearing any make up, and walking around in sweats. I have RA and Fibro and most of the time, I just want to be left alone, and well, that is good enough for my husband. He loves me unconditionally despite all my flaws, and believe me, I have many.

And as for my friend’s jealousy, it was nice for that moment to realize I was still alive. Because a working mother’s life is busy and lonely all at the same time, sometimes a mother needs to feel like she is a human, and not just somebody’s mother or somebody’s wife.


2 thoughts on “Yes…but you are married now???

  1. As I read this post I had to smile a bit. Up until about a year ago to think of me on any type of social networking site would have been almost impossible to think of. Well, needless to say, I have evolved rather quickly. Trust me this is going somewhere in relation to your post. About a year ago a friend sent me an email saying how much I needed to get on facebook. After dragging my feet for about a month, I finally engaged his request. It was fun reconnecting with long lost friends from school, work, and the military. Needless to say eventually I got a friend request from an ex. It was nice to she went on to having what I thought was a fulfilling life. After the initial "catch up" I thought nothing more of her. That was until the dreaded email showed up in my inbox one Saturday morning. I was taken back at what was written. It started with…I have a confession to make. I won't get into the details of what followed, but it caused me anguish/strife. It felt like I was already cheating on my wife. I won't lie to you or anyone and say I was taken with the compliments and the feeling of having someone desire me. But in an instant that feeling of being taken vanished when I thought of everything I had around me. That grass may be greener on the other side. But I am still standing in my lawn. Sure it has a few weeds in it and it is far from being a manicured masterpiece, but its mine and I love it more then words could ever describe. As the years pass I fall deeper in love with Amy…I still find her beautiful, even in sweats with no make up. I still find her sexy, even in those pjs she needed to throw away 2 years ago. She still is the best friend anyone could ask for, even if she is complaining about me so forgetful. I am blessed to have her and I thank God she sees through all my faults. To me the easiest thing to do, in anything, is give up. Just know the same things I wrote could be echoed by many, if not most, husbands out there. Sometimes we just forget to tell you or show you. Remember, through no fault of our own, we are men.

  2. PS. You better bring your "A" game with the karaoke. There is no telling how many of the evil lyrics of Hannah Montana have been eched into my feeble mind. Matter of fact I am singing "you got the limo out front…" at the top of my lungs right now!

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