(Note: If you have a weak stomach, please move on the next post.)
1. Pee has a mind of its own and a little boy has no control of that. It will find its way onto your bathroom wall and floors and into the trashcan. Quite often, it lives outside, maybe even on your patio, because little boys are “too tired” to come inside or make it “all the way inside” to get to the “toilet.” According to my nine year old, it doesn’t matter anyway.
2. Clothing is optional and so is underwear, especially when you announce it at a doctor’s appointment. Clean underwear is hard to find no matter how many loads you washed this week.
3. Touching yourself is required, any where and any place. In addition, the word “penis” is funny no matter how many times boys are told not to say it, and they will pick the worst times to say it, like in the middle of a busy restaurant.
4. Keeping your hands to yourself is impossible. Punching your siblings is an uncontrollable reflex.
5. Wrestling is the sport for any occasion, even under a ballroom table during your aunt’s wedding, and note to self, never purchase a white suit jacket for a five year old boy that will turn it black an hour after the arrival to the reception.
6. Band-Aids are the cure-all to any ailment and they fix other things such as broken toys. They usually don’t stay on very long through, and quite often, you are walking around with one stuck to the bottom of your foot.
7. Do NOT, under any circumstances, try the stiff test on boys clothing. If you think something is dirty, just throw it in the hamper. An odor from boys clothing will last for days under your nose.
8. Video games make you smarter, and boys hate when you beat them at games. That is usually about the time Mom becomes “uncool” and “unfair.”
9. Poop-filled underwear in the back of your son’s bedroom closet will take days for Mom to find, but when she does, the screaming shrill coming from the bedroom can be quite humorous to everyone, but Mom.
10. No matter how old a boy gets, he will always need his Mom, and quite often, buggars and separation anxiety go hand and hand.
Anyone else have any additional lessons about raising boys they would like to share?