We all reach points in our lives where we question ourselves and our ability to handle hurdles that come our way along this journey we call life. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a student and a legal assistant and I love being all of those things. I play many roles and wear many hats in both my professional and personal life. Like any other human being, I can get sad and depressed on occasion and it doesn’t help that I have fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. I have spent the last week dragging my left foot around because it hurts so bad to walk on it and it just doesn’t want to move due to stiffness. My hands hurt so bad I can barely put my seatbelt on when I get into the car. My RA is getting worse, there is no question, but there is good news. My fibromyalgia medications seem to be doing their job and I do not seem to be noticing much muscle and tissue pain these days. Let’s face it, I have good days and I have bad days, but I get through them and manage to find some understanding of my purpose in this life and here on earth.
I am a mother first and foremost and that is my priority over everything else. Yesterday, after we had finished up school shopping, my nine year old and I had this conversation on the drive home.
Nine: Mom, don’t you hate having to spend all your money on me and my brother?
Me: Of course not.
Nine: But you work so hard and your bones and your body hurt.
Me: Maybe, but I wouldn’t trade that for the world. I have you and your brother in my life for a reason. It is all worth it.
My nine year old smiled, beaming from ear to ear. At that moment, he felt so loved. And despite everything I have been through, I would do it all over again for smiles like that.
Rheumatoid arthritis and Fibromyalgia are trying slowly to take away things in my life that I hold dear. I would do anything for children and that strength and determination is something neither disease can take away. I work, not because I have to (we would learn to survive on one income), but because I want to give my children the best life I can give them for as long as I can. The pain of RA and Fibro is a part of my life, and I will fight it for as long as I can, and I will never stop being mother because of it.