Her Diamonds


I saw this over at Michelle’s Blog “Life in the Autoimmune Lane” and I thought I would share it with you. Rob Thomas was courageous enough to his wife’s struggle and life with an autoimmune disease. If more celebrities would speak up about autoimmune diseases, there would be more understanding.

What I cannot change


I wanted to share this beautiful song with you by LeAnn Rimes. LeAnn has a book out with the same title. A friend of mine emailed the video link because I have been having a tough few weeks. There has so much that has happened that has forced me to deal with a lot of anxiety and stress which affects both my conditions (RA and Fibromyalgia). It has really been a tough few weeks for me and I have realized that there are things that I do not I have control of, like the reasons for all my stress and anxiety.

I had this dream last that my father had never died. My father has been gone for fourteen years now and I was 18 at the time of his death. August 31 is the 14th anniversary of this death. I never stop missing him and wishing that he was here so that I could be stronger, but since I can’t bring him back, I have to make my own strength.

This week, I also came to the realization that it was all right to ask for help when I needed it. I had to rely more on my mom and my sisters in the last few days than I ever had to before. This was hard for me because I am so used to helping everyone else out and always being the strong one. I prayed for guidance and it gave me the strength to ask for help.

Last, when I finally had some time to contemplate the events of the last few days and weeks, (and after a trip to the ER because of anxiety) I realized that my stress was putting my health at risk and that, in the long run, would hurt my kids. I have some lifestyle changes that I need to make and the next few weeks are going to be a big test for me, but I have to make these choices because that is what is best for my health and my sanity, as well as what is best for my children.
I know there is a lot I cannot change, but there are things I can and I will focus on those. Happy 4th!

I am headed out now to the pool, then to visit Dad’s grave and then to spend the rest of the day and watch the fireworks with my sister and her kids.

That Long Overdue Cry


This is my horoscope for the day and it turned out to be 100% true.

Your actions may go against your rational thinking, but this doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, dear Capricorn. Thoughts and feelings are apt to clash today in a most aggressive manner, but this doesn’t mean that you have to be a victim of the resulting demolition. Note the big pieces that survive after the initial impact. Recognize these as strengths that you have, and work to build these back up while leaving the smaller pieces behind.
Have you ever had one of those days where it could not possibly get worse? Today I had that long overdue cry and more. The demolition noted in my horoscope was beyond what I could have expected. I almost was arrested today and I didn’t even do a darn thing.

 It was just that a catastrophe of events put me in the wrong place at the wrong time. I looked at the all the pieces of the puzzle and once the mess had been sorted out, I had survived the impact. I just kept moving until I had solved it all, and when all was said and done, I broke down. I eventually grabbed my bearings and needless to say, I survived the day and because of today, I have learned how strong I can be. Moreover, that long overdue cry came and it is long past. It is a good thing I am a supermom.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 things I would like to change about myself


1. I would love to worry less.

2. I would like to be less fearful.

3. I would love to lose twenty pounds.

4. I would like to be more confident

5. I would like to be more motivated – lately RA, Fibro and stress have made that impossible.

6. I would like to be more organized.

7. I would like to be less passive and stand up for myself more often.

8. I would like to be less of a perfectionist.

9. I would love to be more money motivated.

10. I would love to be bold and wild.

11. I would like to be more organized.

12. I would love to be less forgetful.

13. I would like to learn to forgive better.

Happy Thursday Everyone! To join in on all the fun, visit the official home of Thursday Thirteen.

We all need a good cry once in a while


Do you every feel like you just sometimes have a really good cry that is long over due? When the stress is adding up and you just can’t peace it all together and the stronger you try to be, the weaker you find that you are. I am long overdue and all t the stress is adding up for a good one.

I am the type of person that I can handle a lot but then all that build up comes crashing down. So here I am sitting at my desk wondering if it can it can any worse. Just when I finally figure out how to deal with all the issues that have been mounting, financial and otherwise, another problem drops into my lap. Don’t I ever get a break? My husband does not break down in tears, he just keeps to himself, but me, I start balling like a baby. And right now, it is long over due, but my office is not the place. I have four days off starting tomorrow to sort through this mess, but I want to cry my head off and scream that life just isn’t fair.

In all honesty, I am entitled to vent. I have RA and Fibromyalgia and sometimes it is hard to go my job (I am a legal assistant), but I cannot leave my job because my husband made some bad investment choices last year that still continue to haunt us. I figure it does not hurt to cry and it is actually helpful to cry. “According to Dr. William Frey, a biochemist and director of the Dry Eye and Tear Research Center in Minneapolis, Minn., one reason people might feel better after crying could be because they are “removing, in their tears, chemicals that build up during emotional stress.” Frey’s research indicates that tears, along with other bodily secretions like perspiration, rid the body of various toxins and wastes.”

I also have another reason I want to cry. Monday, July 6 is the 8th anniversary of the day I said goodbye to my daughters. When I boarded a plane from Jerusalem, Israel back to the U.S., I never knew how things would work out. That day, I lost a big part of me that I know can never be replaced. My communications with my girls are limited and I have not spoken them in several months, and yes, I have lived with it for eight years, but it gets harder the closer I get to that date. I understand and remind myself that I walked away from an abusive marriage and that I had no choice when I left my girls, but I always wonder if I fought hard enough to get them back. I accepted my choices long ago, but it doesn’t mean that I ever stop missing my daugthers.

My long cry is eventually going to catch up with me, but I am not going to try not to let it catch up to me this very minute. I will be patient at least until I get to my car. We all have our moments and according Dr. Frey, we all need that moment.