Posted in 4th, Change, fireworks, LeAnn Rimes

What I cannot change


I wanted to share this beautiful song with you by LeAnn Rimes. LeAnn has a book out with the same title. A friend of mine emailed the video link because I have been having a tough few weeks. There has so much that has happened that has forced me to deal with a lot of anxiety and stress which affects both my conditions (RA and Fibromyalgia). It has really been a tough few weeks for me and I have realized that there are things that I do not I have control of, like the reasons for all my stress and anxiety.

I had this dream last that my father had never died. My father has been gone for fourteen years now and I was 18 at the time of his death. August 31 is the 14th anniversary of this death. I never stop missing him and wishing that he was here so that I could be stronger, but since I can’t bring him back, I have to make my own strength.

This week, I also came to the realization that it was all right to ask for help when I needed it. I had to rely more on my mom and my sisters in the last few days than I ever had to before. This was hard for me because I am so used to helping everyone else out and always being the strong one. I prayed for guidance and it gave me the strength to ask for help.

Last, when I finally had some time to contemplate the events of the last few days and weeks, (and after a trip to the ER because of anxiety) I realized that my stress was putting my health at risk and that, in the long run, would hurt my kids. I have some lifestyle changes that I need to make and the next few weeks are going to be a big test for me, but I have to make these choices because that is what is best for my health and my sanity, as well as what is best for my children.
I know there is a lot I cannot change, but there are things I can and I will focus on those. Happy 4th!

I am headed out now to the pool, then to visit Dad’s grave and then to spend the rest of the day and watch the fireworks with my sister and her kids.

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3 thoughts on “What I cannot change

  1. Off to add this to my library list!! I'm going through a lot of changes right now, too.It sounds like we both will be walking that road together…good luck!

  2. Asking for help seems to be a challenge for many of us with RA. Maybe this is the lesson we are supposed to learn with this disease. It is hard, but the payoffs of learning how much those around us care is so worth it. I will be sending lots of healing thoughts the next few weeks as you begin this new journey of making changes.

  3. Thanks Cathy and Melissa. I am glad that I am not taking this journey alone. Sometimes I wish there someone amongst the people in my life, my family, my friends, my coworkers, who actually understood how difficult RA and Fibro are for me. I feel like I am alone because noone really understands how much pain I am in. My nine year old (he is my strength) gave me a foot massage this morning, and he was so considerate because he knew how bad my feet and my toes hurt. I want to understande why a 9 year old understands why I hurt and all the grown ups around me don't.

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