RSS

Being Left Alone Isn’t Too Much to Ask  


There comes a point in all of our lives when we just need to be left alone, to think, to love and breathe without the opinions of others dictating our paths. And being alone isn’t a bad thing. It gives us peace of mind from all the distractions and obstacles that hold us back. Mostly, the people that hold us back. We try to convince ourselves that we are trying to be the people we want to be but at some point, we realize that we are really living for is expected of us. And that realization, while known subconsciously, takes a different perspective when we actually acknowledge that we are bound by the expectations of others.

Researchers at the University of Virginia conducted 11 experiments on how well people tolerate a few minutes of alone time.  The research found that while most of us want quiet tine, we have a hard time tolerating too much time without people vying for our attention.  I am at a point in my life where I have to disagree with that. I feel like it depends on the nature of the relationships in your life. I cannot live a life that involves people vying at my attention when I don’t have it to give. Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule but it is really more about me getting older.

Grown children, siblings, elderly parents, so-called friends, employers – how much can a person be sandwiched trying to please everyone?  Benjamin Franklin said that death and taxes were the only two things certain in this life.  I disagree – he forgot the crap in between. He didn’t realize that a modernized society would complicate our lives. He didn’t know single moms would be a dominant feature in the 21st century.  He didn’t realize that over 50% of the workforce would be women who were not only breadwinners but also bread makers.

Mr. Franklin, like many, couldn’t have imagined a world that involved single mothers trying so hard to live to every expectation of society.  I couldn’t when I was a little girl.  I thought one day I’d find my Prince Charming and we would live happily ever after in our beautiful home with our white picket fence and our well-behaved and smart children.  I didn’t get any of that right.  I got three children (almost grown) living overseas with their father always vying for my attention, not realizing what kind of life I have here.  I have two children here who need me to be both mom and dad. I work two jobs and I live with two chronic illnesses. My life has other priorities. I have to be more than anyone else in my life has to be and I have to do it alone.

Prince Charming isn’t anywhere in sight.  He sure isn’t here painting walls, repairing things, and planning a move.  He is not even anywhere in my imagination.  He is not here helping me to feel better when it feels like I am alone because the people who are supposed to be here keep letting me down.  He is not here when it feels like it is my kids and me against the world.  And, in some respects, I am glad he is not here. Because so far, he has only been Mr. Wrong. What is the point of Price Charming if I have to change for him? Or that he would have to change for me? Because that has been my only experience thus far.

Change or being someone that I am not has been my theme for too long in hopes of pleasing others. And it has gotten me nowhere. I have decided if people cannot accept me as I am, they can keep their distance. I know I am a handful. I know I am strong, independent and I am opinionated.  And I am human and I make mistakes just the like the next person.

But I don’t need to be reminded of my flaws and I have been reminded way too much. I have a big heart and I know it but sometimes, that big heart gets is stepped all over. I have had people’s backs and when push came to shove, they turned their backs on me.  They treated me badly even simply because I wouldn’t allow them to get me down. I have been let down, put down and judged harshly for too much of my life but I finally decided I am too old for this crap. And if people can’t see that I just want to be left alone rather than living up to impossible expectations, it is their loss. I don’t think being left alone is too much to ask.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 5, 2015 in Life in general

 

Thought for Day 31 of 2015: Continue to Be the Best Version of You  


We officially have arrived at the last day of January 2015.  We are already a month into 2015 and so many of us have already thrown our New Year’s resolutions out the window. But just because the things we planned to do on January 1 didn’t go smoothly, it doesn’t mean we give up. We should always continue to better ourselves whether it is the New Year or not.

One of things I decided was important for me was to make a major life decision in 2015. I was looking a job closer to home that I would be happy at. I am not saying that I did not like the job I was at currently but my situation changed and I no longer wanted to be at that job.  So, I started looking until I found something that was the right fit. I start my new job on February 2 and while I am nervous, I am also very excited.

I stopped setting New Year’s Resolutions a long time ago.  It is not that I can’t keep them– although I have had my share of failed ones – it is that I don’t feel that the New Year is the only time we should better ourselves. I continue to make decisions day in and day out to make myself a better person. Sometimes, I succeed and other times, I fail miserably.  But there are also some wonderful lessons gained from all my experiences especially the ones where I fail.

It would have been nice to continue these thoughts through the entire year but I didn’t think I’d be able to follow through. I made my goal smaller and I managed to get through all 31 days of January with some really great ideas for 2015.

The last of these posts is me asking every one of you to continue to be the best version of you that you can be.  And  when you finally reach that version, find a better version so that you can continue to better yourself.

Continuing to be the best version of me is my motto for 2015. I am in no way am I perfect or just we where I need to be. If anything, I am where I need be right now.  And I will continue to work on where I will go next.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on January 31, 2015 in Life in general

 

Thought for Day 30 of 2015: Stop Giving a Crap


Here we are at day 30 of the New Year. There so many things to keep in mind, mottos to live by and resolutions to keep.  All these things are great but it is a good time to also take stock of the things that we let get to us. These are things that are wasting our time and energy and causing us stress. So, in the words of Elsa from Frozen, “Let it go.”

There is so much you can stop giving a crap about in 2015.

Stop making plans with people who you really don’t want to see.  Stop giving in to haters and stop worrying about finding the one. Why not enjoy the person you are even if you are single.

Stop worrying about missing out and being embarrassed about wearing sweats in public.  Wear shoes that feel comfortable rather than hobbling in ones that aren’t in order to keep up with the latest fashions.

Stop giving a crap about those extra five or ten pounds.  Stop feeling guilty about getting to bed early or staying in bed late.

Stop putting yourself out there to well-meaning people who expect you to be a certain way.  Stop worrying about people who don’t give a crap about you and mostly, stop trying to make everyone else happy.

Instead of giving a crap in 2015, focus on making yourself happy.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 30, 2015 in Thought for 2015

 

Thought for Day 29 of 2015: Write Down Your Life Plan


Writing down your life plan might seem like a silly thing but if you actually write your plans down, you will have a guide for all the things you’d like to do.  Your life plan is a detailed description of decisions, intentions, dreams and hopes for the future. It is a great way to initiate improvement in your life.  Education goals, career aspirations, marital life, having children and end of life decisions are things that you can address in your life plan.

The more detailed your life plan is, the more clarity you will get in prioritizing your life. Make sure you understand your needs – emotional, mental and spiritual. When considering your hopes and dreams, consider your strengths, talents, weaknesses and the things you can improve about yourself.

And don’t forget – you can adjust your life plan as your life progresses.  But thinking ahead can give you a plan of action to keep you grounded and on your way towards the future.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 29, 2015 in Thought for 2015

 

Thought for Day 28 of 2015: Learn to Relax


It seems like relaxing that is something that we should all be able to do but we are all constantly stressed. We also live in a day and age where working too much is the norm and certain health issues don’t appear to have an easy fix.

Relaxation is something we can actually learn and practice. It is just as simple as being happy. And like being happy, learning to relax is important to your health and well-being.

Do yourself a favor in 2015 and learn all the ways you can to beat stress, relax and slow down.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 28, 2015 in Thought for 2015

 

Thought for Day 27 of 2015: Be a Good Person


Since the beginning of time, philosophy has debated what good is and so many of us find being good more complicated than kindness. It is true that all of our journeys are different, but doing and being good has to do with discovering who you are and the role that you play in the world. And in order to truly be good, you have figure out what good means to you. It could mean doing good for others, or simply being a kind and honest person.

Good doesn’t have to be what your parents told you and it isn’t something you do for recognition or reward.  It should be what you believe makes you a good person on your own terms. Being a good person can mean giving people the benefit of doubt. Obviously, don’t compromise your safety or happiness in the process. But assume that everyone is good and act accordingly.

Continue improving your understanding of what being a good person is. Learn from your mistakes, from others and from history.  Observe situations and think before you act.  Seek out good people you can learn from so that your journey isn’t lonely and becomes a better experience. Be an inspiration to others and make yourself available to those who need a guide. Believe in the power your actions will have in influencing others. When people see you doing good things, they will be reminded to take positive action on their own.

Choose to find joy in goodness. If you spend too much time focusing on the bad, you miss the good things that are happening. Notice the small kindnesses that you find yourself and others doing and constantly remind yourself that there is good in this world.  Because when you surround yourself with good deeds and good people, you can see all the things you can be grateful for. So, be a good person and do good out there in the world. And most importantly, be the best version of you that you can possibly be because that version has more good inside than you ever thought possible.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 27, 2015 in Thought for 2015

 

Thought for Day 26 of 2015: Practice Self-Compassion


Self-acceptance seems to be a hard thing but it is actually very simple.  Love yourself in the way you love others. Give compassion to yourself the way you do to the world.  Give willingly to yourself in the way that you would for loved ones.

You would never tell an upset friend to just suck it up. So, why give yourself a hard time? Instead, try to find ways to care and comfort yourself when things are tough. Focus on not criticizing or judging yourself for shortcomings.

Be self-compassionate to yourself by understanding you are not required to be perfect. And don’t confuse self-compassion with self-pity or self-indulgence. Being self-compassionate simply means you are willing to be kind to yourself, to acknowledge you are a human being, and to be mindfulness of the way life works.

In 2015, try to remember that having compassion for oneself is no different than having compassion for others.  Self-compassion will allow you to create a space within yourself that is free of judgment. Choose to see your hurt and your failures with kindness and caring. After all, you are only human.

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 26, 2015 in Thought for 2015

 
 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 496 other followers