Blocked


The writer’s block has come back and I am trying to prepare an article about how chronic illness changes our lives.  The words will flow again.  The article is not due until next Tuesday.  I am a bit overwhelmed these past few weeks so I am sure that some of that is contributing to the writer’s block.

I feel like I am blocked in other ways as well – mostly emotionally and spiritually.  I am in the process of closing a chapter in my life and well, it is long overdue, it is still difficult to do.  The fact is life never works out the way we plan or we hope or we dream.  We kind of just have to be happy with the cards we have been dealt and sometimes that means letting go.

One of the hardest things anyone has to do is let go.  There are many things that we find that we have to let go of – people, situations, things, relationships and even characteristics about ourselves.  Forming an attachment is easy but dealing with letting go is so very hard.  It would be difficult for us to form attachments if we knew ahead of time we would have to let go.  Just the thought of knowing that we would have to let go of someone or something we hold dear is painful enough.

Letting go becomes necessary when situations have reached an impasse and we find that we have to let go in order to fulfill happiness or own life paths. When the time comes, we have to move forward and pick up the pieces.  If we refuse to let go and move forward, we won’t learn anything and we certainly will be miserable the long term, if we aren’t already.  Leaving our old selves behind helps us to realize who we really are.

The truth life isn’t always wonderful or beautiful or great. Sometimes, life isn’t the way we want it to be or the way we expect it to be.  I think when I lay my plans out God laughs at me and says with a chuckle, “Life won’t be the way you want it to go.  Your plans won’t work out as you planned. But everything with work out the way it is supposed to.  After all, I would never give you what you can’t handle.”

I am blocked but not just with the writing but also with my spiritual and emotional well-being.   I am struggling to find a new normal because my old normal just didn’t work for me.  What I have learned that even when good times seem long time and happiness is taking its sweet time, if I told on to the roller coaster long enough, I will find what I am looking for at the end of the wild ride.

I am learning daily to cherish change and to look at hardship as something that makes me strong and wiser. Tough times also help me to stay grounded and understand that not every day will be great but as long I keep move forward, I will keep progressing. And I have said it before, and I will say it again, I am a work in progress and I will keep moving forward.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.– Author Unknown

lifeaintalwaysbeautiful

The Block


2011-01-14-Writers-BlockI have not disappeared and life has not thrown me yet another curve ball.  If anything, I am just struggling to write.  Aside from being sick and writing more at my advocacy sites, I am doing fine. That block is just in my way as far as what I want to write about here and perhaps, elsewhere.

With the advocacy sites, I am given a topic and I just write. Even when I have writer’s block, the words eventually come.  And I am struggling with the latest topic, “chronic illness in the workplace.”  This article is supposed to be in third person mode and I am not great at third person. Well, I used to be.  I kind of feel like I am on American Idol for writers. You know how in American Idol contestants are required to sing from different genres?  I am best at writing from a first person perspective and I am very good at it. Even when I write an article that has tips or research, I tend to pull my own experience into it.  Now, I have been asked (hired) to write three articles a month – one that is research based, one that is similar to a blog post, and the third, a tip type post.  Back when I worked in the law office setting (I work in a law department of a realty company now), I wrote a lot of research based stuff and even when I was working on my master’s degree but both of those things are now behind me. Most of my writing involves, leasing document templates and repetitive type letters. I know I still have it in me but I am struggling to find my mojo again.  

I am sure I will be contacting, Dee, for some moral support here.  She will read my article, tell me it’s either perfect or suggest one or two changes. It is the moral support that I am looking for here so my confidence will be restored and I will have my writing mojo.  So, be prepared, dear friend, for me to ask for your needed and much appreciated insight and support.

Okay, I have not written much lately.  It is not that I have not had the time or I had not had much to say, it is just that words aren’t flowing as they easily as they could.  I feel like I am having a block and I don’t feel motivated to write a single thing. When I feel to urge to write something, nothing happens when I actually sit down to type.  I cannot understand why this is happening.  I can often write several things per day for both my blogs and for my advocacy sites and even through various other documents professionally and personally but lately, the creativity isn’t kicking in.

Writer’s block is the phase that we use when we cannot find the words to write something creative. I am currently at a loss for words and while there are ideas, it feels like the words are playing peek-a-boo in my head.  I am not sure whether I am unmotivated, distracted or just feeling plain lazy. Whatever it is, I cannot find the words to put on paper.

I have had writer’s block before and like this time; I have struggled about why I am unmotivated to put the words to paper.  I can literally stare at a piece of paper or the computer screen for minutes and even up to an hour. Sometimes, I can type of few words or sentences but I cannot go any further than that. How can someone who is so good at expressing herself in writing struggle like this.  I am not a speaker, I am a writer and I hate that I am not writing.

Writing is a skill and one I have prided myself on since childhood.  Since about age 10, I was writing poetry and short stories.  In school, I wrote for school papers and literary magazines. In college, I was an editor for a college newsletter and I wrote. I have written as a blogger and a columnist in various online publications

I am a writer and sometimes, I need an editor.  The editor thing is new.  I have struggled for about ten years when it comes to needing someone to read my work.  I think it started about the time I started having symptoms that something was wrong with me.  I have no need for someone to edit my work when I am not dealing with RA and fibromyalgia symptoms but I am glad I have people looking at my work especially when the brain fog kicks in.  The irony is that I recall which articles have been edited and which haven’t and I have written countless ones.  Yeah, that is the kind of writer I am – the obsessive kind. :-) An example of an article that required NO editing is one titled New Year’s Resolution: Celebrate the Victories.

At this point in my life, I understand that writing is a skill and not just a talent.  If you neglect that skill, it becomes weaker and weaker until you find it difficult to put words on paper – at least, words that are interesting and coherent. I think that why I am nervous about writing a research based article. I have not done it in quite some time. It will involve a lot of writing and revising on my part. The only way to conquer my current block and fear is to just start writing, telling a story, actually putting the words down and hearing the click of the keys on my keyboard.  The last thing I need is some nasty remarks from the Simon Cowell of Writer’s Idol so I have to get back to writing creatively and coherently. I can actually her Simon saying, “This is bloody awful!”

simon

Even though I feel quite awful right now with the writer’s block and a nasty sinus infection, I know that continuing to take a break from my writing isn’t the answer. I know that now is a good time to go back to writing and I know that sometimes you have to battle through the things you need to do to go back to being good at them.  I have learned that lesson time and time again and while I wish this will be the last time, I know it won’t and I am okay with that.  So, it is time to start writing about “chronic illness in the workplace” and whatever else comes to mind. 

I do have new posts over at Chronic Illness is Journey. A lot those posts have also appeared at my advocacy sites.

All Blogged Out


My poor neglected blog. I still have nothing to say for I am all blogged out. Hopefully, the ideas come again.

The Bloggers Prayer

Lord help me to learn to spell without spellcheck, manage to visit all that visit me, and post regularly – all in 5 minutes a day, so that I can clean house and take care of my family. Help me to not look at every occurrence in my life as a blog post, and to quit taking pictures of weird things to share as well. Please Lord, help me to stop talking about my blog friends as though they are next door neighbors or someone I have known all of my life. And help me dear Lord, to think of something witty and wise to post tomorrow.

Writer’s Block


It is official! I have run out of things to say! (Not possible, you say?) It is like in a dream when you open your mouth to speak and nothing comes out.

Actually, I have plenty to say, it just isn’t really that interesting.

• Like the fact that I went to a parent teacher conference last night and I came home with plenty of hugs to give away, especially to my nine year old who brought home straight Bs. Did I hear an Amen! Yes, those tutor dollars were worth it and to think, I thought I was tossing money in the trash.

• Like the fact I just got a new attorney assignment at work and no one got laid off! Now that is a hallelujah for sure. My supervisor asked me which one of my other two assignments I wanted to give up and I told her neither. (Don’t call me an idiot just yet.) I already work for two of the sweetest guys in the world. Dan treats me like a daughter and Steve; well, I am not always sure how to describe Steve. He is like the annoying little brother that thinks you have all the answers and that you wouldn’t trade for the entire world even when he is slowly torturing you with his nagging. If I could write a really terrible poem about Steve it would go something like this:

Ode to Steve:
Oh Steve, how you love to drive me crazy with your last minute filings!
But I know that despite the fact you stay up nights contemplating ways to make me insane, you still appreciate all I do!
Oh Steve, how I often wish I could strangle you especially when you call frantically from the courthouse!
But I know that if you didn’t have me in your life your stress turned high blood pressure would land you in a hospital or even an insane asylum!
So Steve, given the opportunity to throw you off the island, there are plenty of others I would throw to the sharks first.
Because, and I will be the first to admit, if it wasn’t for you, this Super Mom’s days would be utterly boring and mind-numbing.
God knows I love to pull out my hair several times in a day!
After all, its exercise for the brain!

Agreed, that was terrible. Now back to the things that are too boring to blog about.

• The baby’s constant drooling and no teeth yet. He drools more than a leaky faucet.
• Or my husband’s fixation with being clean. He takes three showers a day and more, if I would let him. If he was a plumber or a garbage man, I would understand but for goodness sake, he works in middle management.
• Or my nine year’s old obsession with the reasons “why” I won’t do this or that. Sometimes, it is so bad I want to shove him in a closest and lock the door. Better yet, I want to find a closet that locks from the inside for me to hide in.
• Or my mom’s constant nagging about “why I don’t come over”. It is like a broken record, over and over. I don’t come over as often as she would like because I work full-time and have only two days off – which I use to clean my home, do 12 loads of laundry, grocery shop – you know the drill, after all your mom is a Jewish mother too.
• Or my brother who calls only when he needs something. I stopped answering the phone. How is it possible that I do not have time for his “little – desperately needed” favors?
• And those annoying older ladies (those lifers that have worked at my law firm since the Stone Age) that have nothing better to do than to stand around the water cooler and gossip about who is chasing who and who is ticking who off these days. Meanwhile, the rest of us are working our lives away trying to keep our bills paid and the company afloat. Yes, you know those people. I am sure you have them at your place of employment as well. Too much seniority to get fired, warned or even slapped around.
• Last, why do I only get my revolutions when I get to the bathroom? Everything hits me when I can’t write it down because after all, I am suffering from Mommy Brain – that incurable disease that doesn’t kill you and only makes you stronger the older your kids get.

And the list goes on and on of the things in my life that are to boring to brag/blog about. So please pass along some inspiration and ideas and I shall blog. Come on, you know you want to.