I Miss My Old Normal             


Up until recently, my RA and fibromyalgia had been well controlled.  I had been able to manage and live my life despite minor flare-ups.  However, the past few months have been difficult.  Years of taking anti-inflammatory medications has resulted in my having high blood pressure.  Not only that, my vitamin D levels are always very low results resulting in extreme fatigue.  And my conditions are not as well-managed as they used to be.

I used to miss being healthy and being the person I was before I got sick six years ago.  Now, I wish I was feeling as well as I did in the beginning of this year when my flares were minor and didn’t affect my day to day.

I figure I had a good run there and I made the best of it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t keep fighting.  I will always fight to make every day count. However, I am willing to accept that this is my new normal but I sure miss my old normal.

My life hasn’t changed that much.  I am still working hard, advocating, writing my chronic illness articles and hoping to one day to finish one of those books I started writing.  One of the things about being sick for years is that you know life goes on whether you are up for it or not.  You just keep going because that’s all you can do – and the other option is giving up.

I accept that my conditions won’t be well managed forever and that there will be setbacks.  I just know that I am living for today and not focusing so much on where my health will be in five years.  I didn’t do that when I was first diagnosed. Truth be told, however, I worried the first year but once I found a “normal,” I moved forward and didn’t give up on my dreams.  That is what I will continue doing despite the fact that I really miss my old normal.

I haven’t disappeared on you guys. I am still here, trudging alone and trying to enjoy every day. Last year at this time, my health was in a better place and I hope that it will be once again. In the meantime, I will just keep fighting to make the best of this life despite feeling sick and being in pain.

I figure my kids watch me and I want to make sure I continually set a good example for them.  I want them to see me as someone who can still love them and care for them despite being sick. And that is all I ask for when it comes to living successfully with my illnesses – that I can be the mother they need and deserve.  I don’t think that is too much to believe in.

3 thoughts on “I Miss My Old Normal             

  1. Hi Lana!

    New normals stink. I’m with you, girl! :( I’ve wondered from time to time what things will look like in ten years or so and then I have to shut that thinking down because it freaks me out a little. One day at a time. Sending a hug your way!

  2. I can certainly relate to what you write. For many years, during the worst of the RA storm, I hid my pain for the sake of my children. I wanted to appear healthy and able to them, to be there for them. I weathered that part of the tempest and now I feel so much better. But also, now I don’t hide the days I feel bad.

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