Keep Moving Forward


keep_moving_forward

 

People with chronic illness often use the words “keep pushing on” or “keep moving forward.” We use these words because we know that if don’t keep moving, our diseases will win.  I often wonder if when we say these words and practice them whether we actually believe them.   I am not sure that I always do.

The fact is, it is hard to keep moving forward, mentally and physically, when you are so tired. I am tired of being sick and I am tired of trying to juggle my health demands with my personal and professional lives.  I know that people who live with chronic illness get what I am saying but healthy people really do not.

When you are sick, being tired has a different meaning than it does when you are healthy.  When I was healthy, tired meant feeling exhausted because of school, work, or sleepless nights taking care of small children.  But now, being tired means being consumed with fatigue all the time.  I wake up exhausted and it does not matter how many hours I slept.  My body often feels like I am lugging around a really heavy box because I am so overextended. I am regularly tired to the point of tears because I cannot figure how to function with all the pain and fatigue.

I am emotionally and physically tired. I am tired to my core and to my very existence.  And I don’t know what to do. Simply saying “keep pushing on” or “keep moving forward” is a pretty difficult feat. Just thinking about all that life throws and then trying to juggle that with my health demands is awfully draining.

Showing progress is a relief and it makes moving forward easier. But the setbacks, they send me in the opposite direction. They make me even more worn-out and I am discouraged. How do I tell my family, my friends, my job, that I need a break?  There is no way to do that.  There is no time – life goes on even though I am sick. I still have to work, take care of my home and family, and I still have function just like a healthy individual even though I am not healthy.

In my mind, I know what to do: “keep pushing on” or “keep moving forward” – sounds simple to the average person.  I know this is what I am supposed to do and I have done it before.  I know that better days are ahead. Chronic illness is full of ups and downs – good and bad days.  I know all that. I also know that the solution is to keep moving forward and try to not let it all get to me.  Right now, it is quite hard before I am feeling defeated. I really am tired.

4 thoughts on “Keep Moving Forward

  1. Hey Lana,
    I’m so sorry that you are so tired. I know, I get it, and I sure wish I could help. I have no words of wisdom, just hugs for you across the internet. xoxoxo

  2. Lana, I know exactly what you mean. I make quilts, purses, etc., and I am so far behind. I just have no energy. I work for a couple hours in my sewing room, and I spent the rest of the afternoon in my recliner, covered with a Snuggy and slept for about three hours. I am still very sleepy. I did not sleep well at all last night. I use a CPAP, but when your mind won’t shut off, when your CPAP leaks, when your husband is snoring right beside you, it is hard to sleep and get the needed rest. I get so down because I’m hurting or so tired that I don’t want to move. I understand where you are coming from.

  3. Yes, that is right on! Sitting here tired and in pain. So sorry you are too. What would you have done, if you could, to ease the pain and the fatigue? What would help you to get better?
    I had to quit my job, my body does not react well with stress and it almost shut down of too much pain. I live in Norway and i am lucky to get a monthly welfare-check, not much, but better than nothing. I wish you had the same opportunity to prioritize your own health and your family, and concentrate on doing all that helps you feel better.
    We should all be able to do that. But as you say, we still have to push forward, beyond pain and fatigue every day, through each and every challenge. Good luck! Hugs :)

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