I am blessed and I am okay

For a long period of time, life was tough for me.  I dealt with two chronic illnesses, then financial and marital troubles, then my brother’s illness and death and then my mom’s stroke. I spent so much time waiting for the other shoe to drop that I forgot what it meant to be truly happy.  My past struggles made me the person I am today.  I am strong, independent, careful, responsible, stubborn, and most of all, unique.  I have weathered many tough storms and I have chased some nearly impossible dreams.  In the end, I always managed to triumph.

I was reminded recently by a wonderful friend to thank God for all the good that has been handed to me lately. I didn’t overcome or triumph without God my side, after all.  I have for years struggled with my relationship with the Almighty. Often times, it was a result of my asking too many questions and not always accepting what was in front of me.  The truth is, I still I have questions but I understand now that sometimes there are no answers.  Maybe it is that I am older or maybe it is that I have seen time and again that God is by my side, but I am okay with not always having the answers. After all, I can only control my responses, I cannot control anything else.

When I reflect upon the person I was prior to chronic illness, losing my brother, life’s struggles, and my mother’s health, I realize that that person could not have handled what I have handled.  I changed because life required me to.  I also changed because I truly let God in my heart and into my life. So much has happened to me over the past few years and I don’t think I would have gotten through without God by side.

I am blessed because I have many good things happening and I thank God everyday for this. I am doing well in my career, my advocacy work, my kids are healthy, my mom is getting better, and my financial situation is better. Additionally, while I have had many near misses with my health, my RA and fibro are pretty well managed.   But I have an upcoming challenge and while I know I will get through it, it is going to be quite stressful.  But tough times call for tough people.

Here is the thing – for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am going to be okay.  My kids and I – we are doing fine and we will continue to be fine. As I look at my life and I reflect upon what has been lost and what has been gained, I see a brighter vision for the future. That is all any of us can ask for.  If we believe, have hope, and offer prayer, we are ahead of most.  So yes, I am okay and I am going to continue to be okay.