The Block


2011-01-14-Writers-BlockI have not disappeared and life has not thrown me yet another curve ball.  If anything, I am just struggling to write.  Aside from being sick and writing more at my advocacy sites, I am doing fine. That block is just in my way as far as what I want to write about here and perhaps, elsewhere.

With the advocacy sites, I am given a topic and I just write. Even when I have writer’s block, the words eventually come.  And I am struggling with the latest topic, “chronic illness in the workplace.”  This article is supposed to be in third person mode and I am not great at third person. Well, I used to be.  I kind of feel like I am on American Idol for writers. You know how in American Idol contestants are required to sing from different genres?  I am best at writing from a first person perspective and I am very good at it. Even when I write an article that has tips or research, I tend to pull my own experience into it.  Now, I have been asked (hired) to write three articles a month – one that is research based, one that is similar to a blog post, and the third, a tip type post.  Back when I worked in the law office setting (I work in a law department of a realty company now), I wrote a lot of research based stuff and even when I was working on my master’s degree but both of those things are now behind me. Most of my writing involves, leasing document templates and repetitive type letters. I know I still have it in me but I am struggling to find my mojo again.  

I am sure I will be contacting, Dee, for some moral support here.  She will read my article, tell me it’s either perfect or suggest one or two changes. It is the moral support that I am looking for here so my confidence will be restored and I will have my writing mojo.  So, be prepared, dear friend, for me to ask for your needed and much appreciated insight and support.

Okay, I have not written much lately.  It is not that I have not had the time or I had not had much to say, it is just that words aren’t flowing as they easily as they could.  I feel like I am having a block and I don’t feel motivated to write a single thing. When I feel to urge to write something, nothing happens when I actually sit down to type.  I cannot understand why this is happening.  I can often write several things per day for both my blogs and for my advocacy sites and even through various other documents professionally and personally but lately, the creativity isn’t kicking in.

Writer’s block is the phase that we use when we cannot find the words to write something creative. I am currently at a loss for words and while there are ideas, it feels like the words are playing peek-a-boo in my head.  I am not sure whether I am unmotivated, distracted or just feeling plain lazy. Whatever it is, I cannot find the words to put on paper.

I have had writer’s block before and like this time; I have struggled about why I am unmotivated to put the words to paper.  I can literally stare at a piece of paper or the computer screen for minutes and even up to an hour. Sometimes, I can type of few words or sentences but I cannot go any further than that. How can someone who is so good at expressing herself in writing struggle like this.  I am not a speaker, I am a writer and I hate that I am not writing.

Writing is a skill and one I have prided myself on since childhood.  Since about age 10, I was writing poetry and short stories.  In school, I wrote for school papers and literary magazines. In college, I was an editor for a college newsletter and I wrote. I have written as a blogger and a columnist in various online publications

I am a writer and sometimes, I need an editor.  The editor thing is new.  I have struggled for about ten years when it comes to needing someone to read my work.  I think it started about the time I started having symptoms that something was wrong with me.  I have no need for someone to edit my work when I am not dealing with RA and fibromyalgia symptoms but I am glad I have people looking at my work especially when the brain fog kicks in.  The irony is that I recall which articles have been edited and which haven’t and I have written countless ones.  Yeah, that is the kind of writer I am – the obsessive kind. :-) An example of an article that required NO editing is one titled New Year’s Resolution: Celebrate the Victories.

At this point in my life, I understand that writing is a skill and not just a talent.  If you neglect that skill, it becomes weaker and weaker until you find it difficult to put words on paper – at least, words that are interesting and coherent. I think that why I am nervous about writing a research based article. I have not done it in quite some time. It will involve a lot of writing and revising on my part. The only way to conquer my current block and fear is to just start writing, telling a story, actually putting the words down and hearing the click of the keys on my keyboard.  The last thing I need is some nasty remarks from the Simon Cowell of Writer’s Idol so I have to get back to writing creatively and coherently. I can actually her Simon saying, “This is bloody awful!”

simon

Even though I feel quite awful right now with the writer’s block and a nasty sinus infection, I know that continuing to take a break from my writing isn’t the answer. I know that now is a good time to go back to writing and I know that sometimes you have to battle through the things you need to do to go back to being good at them.  I have learned that lesson time and time again and while I wish this will be the last time, I know it won’t and I am okay with that.  So, it is time to start writing about “chronic illness in the workplace” and whatever else comes to mind. 

I do have new posts over at Chronic Illness is Journey. A lot those posts have also appeared at my advocacy sites.

One thought on “The Block

  1. Pingback: The Universe Wants Me to Have Faith | Living Life As I See Fit

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