No One Say the R-Word!


I am the one who doesn’t stop believing that remission is possible.  At the same token, I know it is a strong possibility that I have experienced periods of remission throughout my RA journey.  Maybe it is that we have had a milder winter but I have honestly done pretty well as far as my RA symptoms go. If anything and I am praying to God that my saying this doesn’t have repercussions, I have enjoyed long periods with only sporadic attacks of inflammation and fatigue.

I don’t have an appointment with my rheumatologist until the end of May but she and I have talked about this since I started taking methotrexate last May. At my last appointment (January), we discussed it in more detail.  She said that she is seeing the results she expected.  Prior to May of last year, I was hesitate to even try methotrexate because I was always worried about getting pregnant.  It was not something I was planning because I am done having children but having had a surprise pregnancy before, I did not want to take the chance.  After struggling with RA pain and symptoms for over two years, I needed a different plan. I finally gave in and decided to try methotrexate and I am glad I put my fears aside.

I am not saying that I am in what doctors call “clinical remission,” but I am glad that I am not in as much pain as I was a year ago.  I do have mornings where I get up in the morning and I don’t feel pain or stiffness and I am so grateful for that.  I pray every day that things continue to get better for me because my feeling and looking better gives my children hope.

Now, I have no excuse to not be physically active.  No excuse whatsoever!  But I am afraid that if I start an exercise plan, my symptoms will come back.  That is why biggest fear and I cannot go back to feeling like crap all over again.  Here is the thing, I am not inactive.  I have a busy life that involves a lot of hustle and bustle.  Most of the time, I don’t sit down until my head hits the pillow.  Of course, working a desk job, I am not active at work.  However, I am always on the move – with kids (especially boys) you have to be.  Also, I am always cleaning house and doing laundry but I don’t see that as being really active.  I am not lazy but I don’t have an exercise routine in place and I know I should.  It is something that regardless of my fears I have to work on.

I know that many of you with RA are far from feeling as well as I feel these days.  I wish that there was some way I could make reduced pain and inflammation a reality for you. However, I don’t even know how I got to this point.  Many people write about the things that they did to get symptom-free but I cannot do this because a part of me thinks it is merely luck.  Sure, I made diet and lifestyle changes but I also take a whole lot of medication.  Additionally, I left a stressful job for a less stressful one.  I made changes in my personal life to reduce stress as well.  I always felt that stress contributed to my symptoms.  I don’t even know how long it has been since I had really bad symptoms – I just know a year ago things were a lot worse.  I am sure that if I were to go back to my blog entries, I could trace this back but I am not sure that it matters.  I know that my RA is calm mostly because of all the medications I take and also due to luck.  I cannot imagine what it would be like if I suddenly had to stop taking my medications.

I am not saying the R-Word because I am even sure whether my having reduced symptoms and low pain levels is even that.  On the same token, however, I was treating for my auto accident and I was taking additional medications and going to therapy – still am.  That may also play a part.  I just know I am happy where I am at.  I have had my moments of sadness because of living with chronic pain and I am just glad to feel better.  If it is clinical remission, I will take it and if it is, I am okay with that as well.  I also know that my really bad symptoms may come back – with both the RA and fibro.  I still have muscle and tissue pain, albeit tolerable, but nevertheless, still muscle and tissue pain. I am trying to enjoy where I am at right now.   For now, however, I am just happy that my shoes are big because my feet are not swelled.  Remission, probably not, but I am in a good place.

8 thoughts on “No One Say the R-Word!

  1. Celebrate! Enjoy this time and hopefully it will last a long, long time. You have done alot to contribute to your improved symptoms. Take credit where credit is due. But first and foremost…enjoy :-) And if you are wondering just how much activity you do daily, ever try one of those step meters?

  2. What wonderful news! If you do start exercising, just take it slowly with something like light yoga, so you can continue to enjoy feeling good. Keep celebrating and giving yourself a lot of hugs for all you’ve done for your Self. You’ve worked hard to be where your at.

    • Thanks for the advice Deborah. Taking it slowly and lightly sounds like the right approoach. Thanks for the kind words and you are absolutely right – credit is due. :-)

  3. So glad you’re in a better place! It’s a victory for all of us fighting this battle. I love your attitude about it, and I hope things continue getting better for you. :)

  4. Glad the MTX is helping you. Isn’t it odd how RA holds us hostage even when we are feeling good sometimes? I am happy for anyone who experiences remission, I have personally given up on it for myself. I’m happy for you being in a good place … you deserve it.

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