I wanted to share this beautiful song with you by LeAnn Rimes. LeAnn has a book out with the same title. A friend of mine emailed the video link because I have been having a tough few weeks. There has so much that has happened that has forced me to deal with a lot of anxiety and stress which affects both my conditions (RA and Fibromyalgia). It has really been a tough few weeks for me and I have realized that there are things that I do not I have control of, like the reasons for all my stress and anxiety.
I had this dream last that my father had never died. My father has been gone for fourteen years now and I was 18 at the time of his death. August 31 is the 14th anniversary of this death. I never stop missing him and wishing that he was here so that I could be stronger, but since I can’t bring him back, I have to make my own strength.
This week, I also came to the realization that it was all right to ask for help when I needed it. I had to rely more on my mom and my sisters in the last few days than I ever had to before. This was hard for me because I am so used to helping everyone else out and always being the strong one. I prayed for guidance and it gave me the strength to ask for help.
Last, when I finally had some time to contemplate the events of the last few days and weeks, (and after a trip to the ER because of anxiety) I realized that my stress was putting my health at risk and that, in the long run, would hurt my kids. I have some lifestyle changes that I need to make and the next few weeks are going to be a big test for me, but I have to make these choices because that is what is best for my health and my sanity, as well as what is best for my children.
I know there is a lot I cannot change, but there are things I can and I will focus on those. Happy 4th!
I am headed out now to the pool, then to visit Dad’s grave and then to spend the rest of the day and watch the fireworks with my sister and her kids.
I will start by saying that my blog is about who I am and how I have grown, preserved, and endured since being diagnosed.
I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and fibromyalgia (FM) nearly five years ago after many years of dealing with symptoms that no doctor could explain. All I wanted was closure and, to me, that meant finding an answer to why I didn’t feel normal. Several days after having my now almost five year old, I awoke to the inability to walk or use my hands and within a week, I finally had a diagnosis and this time, it sank in that it was real thing.
Steroids, a lack of energy, and physical pain take a toll on you. What the illness does to us, we cannot control. How we respond, how we choose to fight back, and how we go on is our defense against the war waging inside of us. Imagine being in a dark room and trying to make your way around. Then, imagine that you find a light switch and the room becomes dim, not bright, but enough for you to navigate your way. For years, I was in the dark about what was happening to me, and then one day, the room became dimly lit. What I wanted was closure but instead I found that there were more questions than there were answers. I learned that I had to change my perceptions on what closure meant to me and in this case it meant accepting that chronic illness was now a part of my life.
One of the things that I do know is that I am not alone and that there were so many exceptional people who, like me, are looking for closure, answers and normalcy. I share my experiences because I want to live a “normal” life and I want others to see that it is okay to have a normal life and to keep dreaming, trying, believing and looking towards the future. I write about my life with RA and FMS, my diagnosis, and my quest to find answers and I continue to do so because when it gives others hope it gives me hope too.
I have found through my experience and the experiences of others dealing with the same conditions that living with arthritis and/or an autoimmune disease gets easier even though the disease gets harder. RA and FM may control how I physically feel but they do not control who I am or how I choose to respond. It is never going to be easy and some days, the emotional part is worse than the physical but we all struggle with something and for me, it is RA and FM.
Off to add this to my library list!! I'm going through a lot of changes right now, too.It sounds like we both will be walking that road together…good luck!
Asking for help seems to be a challenge for many of us with RA. Maybe this is the lesson we are supposed to learn with this disease. It is hard, but the payoffs of learning how much those around us care is so worth it. I will be sending lots of healing thoughts the next few weeks as you begin this new journey of making changes.
Thanks Cathy and Melissa. I am glad that I am not taking this journey alone. Sometimes I wish there someone amongst the people in my life, my family, my friends, my coworkers, who actually understood how difficult RA and Fibro are for me. I feel like I am alone because noone really understands how much pain I am in. My nine year old (he is my strength) gave me a foot massage this morning, and he was so considerate because he knew how bad my feet and my toes hurt. I want to understande why a 9 year old understands why I hurt and all the grown ups around me don't.
People who don’t have Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) might wonder why something as simple as walking, baking a pie, or picking up the kids can be a victory. We know better. Living with RA isn’t easy. That’s why every victory should be celebrated. UCB will provide The Arthritis Foundation $1 for every victory submitted by someone with Rheumatoid Arthritis, until the goal of $30,000 is met. So go ahead… be proud. Submit your victory and let us all celebrate it.
So how does one keep up the fight? You take it one day at a time. You get up every morning hoping that today is better. You don’t stay in bed and think hopeless thoughts. You live for today, you do what you can and you don’t allow yourself to worry about things getting worse. Be thankful for all the things you have rather than what you don’t have. Strive for the strength and courage to accept chronic illness with self-respect and humility. Take care of yourself and those who love you and support you. Enjoy the beauty of today and don’t spend your days worrying about tomorrow. This is all you can do and this is all any of us can do. From Do I Ever Feel Sorry for Myself? READ MORE. http://livinglifewithraandfms.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/do-i-ever-feel-sorry-for-myself/
Rheumatoid Connect is a social network that empowers people living with rheumatoid arthritis. We make it easy to start conversations, share treatments, read and post product recommendations, and much more.
Hope
"Hope is the belief in your ability to recover from whatever has knocked you down on any given day. Resilience is the ability to recover from the punch and the land on your feet, or on your own butt, or whatever supports you at that time. To cultivate your physical resilience, you must have mental resilience that comes from a place called hope.” From Women, Work, and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend! By Rosalind Joffe and Joan Friedlander
The Law of the Garbage Truck
Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier. David J. Pollay
Check out my article “What does it mean to accept your chronic illness diagnosis” at Invisible Illness Week.
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Disclaimer
Disclaimer: This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. Nothing in this blog should be taken as medical or expert. I am not a medical professional. Any information presented on this blog or related endorsement is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only. You should never consider any of the information presented here as a substitute for consulting with your physician or healthcare provider for any medical condition or concern. Any information presented here is merely general information. It is not medical advice, nor is it intended as advice for your personal situation. Please consult with your physician or health care provider if you have concerns about your health or suspect that you might have a problem.
Off to add this to my library list!! I'm going through a lot of changes right now, too.It sounds like we both will be walking that road together…good luck!
Asking for help seems to be a challenge for many of us with RA. Maybe this is the lesson we are supposed to learn with this disease. It is hard, but the payoffs of learning how much those around us care is so worth it. I will be sending lots of healing thoughts the next few weeks as you begin this new journey of making changes.
Thanks Cathy and Melissa. I am glad that I am not taking this journey alone. Sometimes I wish there someone amongst the people in my life, my family, my friends, my coworkers, who actually understood how difficult RA and Fibro are for me. I feel like I am alone because noone really understands how much pain I am in. My nine year old (he is my strength) gave me a foot massage this morning, and he was so considerate because he knew how bad my feet and my toes hurt. I want to understande why a 9 year old understands why I hurt and all the grown ups around me don't.